Missing Dreams
by Mistress del Mare
Summary: On HOld:Lily has always been sheltered in life. She’s never been directly affected by anything bad. That is until the summer of her Sixth year. Within that one summer, her whole life is changed, and she doesn’t know how to deal with it. Can James help?
1. Prologue

**__**

Missing Dreams

Prologue

Started:04.27.05

"No!" screamed a sixteen year old girl with long, straight auburn hair, and glistening green eyes as she stood, frozen in the threshold of her home as she watched in horror as a man with a black cloak muttered the simple spell that would kill her parents. The only people in her family that would talk to her. That actually **cared** for her. Dead. Gone. Just like that.

A sound filled the house as the cloaked figure left. It was the sound of a manic laughing. That sort of laugh that could only come out of the most evil people. The sound sent shivers down Lily's spine as she stood in the same spot looking at the lifeless corpses of her parents.

****

Why can't I move! her mind screamed frantically.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered in a hoarse gasp as she crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.

ºóºóºóºóºóºó

"She's been out like this since we found her, sir," a small male voice said as Lily was opening her eyes.

****

Where am I? she wondered as she looked around the room distractedly. The last thing she remembered was standing in the doorway of her home after coming from dance practice and seeing-

****

Seeing my parents die. she thought with a sob, drawing the two wizards eyes towards the girl lying in the huge bed with white sheets.

"Miss Evans," came the soft, gravelly yet comforting sound of Professor Dumbledore as he walked over to the bed and looked down upon one of his favored students.

Lily looked at her Headmaster through watery eyes. "M-my parents," she cried.

"I'm afraid that you've missed their funeral, Miss Evans," Dumbledore told her softly, guilt and compassion shining in his usual twinkling blue eyes.

Lily closed her eyes and willed the tears away. "Where am I going to stay?" she asked softly. "And when can I see them?"

"For now, you're going to go back to Hogwarts with me, Miss Evans, and you're welcome to see their grave any time you want."

Lily nodded her head and rolled over on her side and curled herself in a ball, crying herself to sleep.

ºóºóºóºóºóºó

James sat dumbly at the table as he read over the same article in the Daily Prophet. **Lily could have died.** he realized as he closed his eyes and brought a hand up to his nose and pinched to get rid of the headache forming.

He didn't know what it was about Lily Evans, but she ruled his thoughts constantly, and no matter how much his ego had been beaten up, he **still** couldn't get her out of his thoughts.

And now, her parents were gone, and she had no one. She was living at Hogwarts because she had no one to turn to apparently. Or at least that's what was said in the article.

He had to do something. He had to help her. Somehow.

ºóºóºóºóºóºó

Lily stood in front of a stone pillar and tried to keep the tears at bay. She seemed so close to the edge lately, and she just didn't want to cry anymore. She was sick of it. It had been a week since she woke up, and a month since she saw that unmentionable sight.

Each day was harder than the last. And its every day that she realized how much she had truly screwed up her life. She had been scared of getting hurt, so she never got close to anyone. Leaving her with no one when she needed someone.

"I'm so sorry, Mum, Dad," Lily sobbed as she dropped to her knees and laid a single white Lily on the base of their shared headstone. "You died just because you believed in me, and supported me. "I'm sorry."

****

ºóºóºóºóºóºó

Authors Notes:

Well that was fast wasn't it? LoL… anyway here's the first chapter. The title though is a work in progress. I have no clue what I want to call this story yet.

Anyways, tell me what you guys think so far! The next chapter is going to be a jump in time, so be prepared for that! Well…not so much of a jump, but I'm going to skip the summer, so yea.

Anyways review please!

Always,

Mistress del Mare


	2. Chapter 1

**__**

Missing Dreams

Chapter 1

Started:05.03.05

Ended:05.

…Oh, little angel,

Gotta love to fly,

Get up,

Earn your wings tonight,

Little angel,

Just look in my eyes,

Get up,

Earn your wings tonight. ..

**Broken Angel, by Hanson**

Lily sat down at the Gryffindor table, waiting for all the rest of the students to arrive, and lowered her head into her arms. She was exhausted. She hadn't been able to sleep all night, having been visited by dreams that wouldn't go away.

"They're on their way in, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall announced as she walked pass Lily so that she could go greet the first years, her dark robes swishing behind her.

"Great," Lily muttered as she lifted her head a took a deep breath. She wasn't looking forward to all of the pitying glances, the snide remarks from the Slytherin's about her parents, or any of the pitying gestures that she was sure to get.

Just as she thought that, students came streaming into the hall, and suddenly the volume rose remarkably high. It sounded like a swarm of bees had surrounded the room.

"Hi, love," came an overly charming voice as someone sat next to her. Lily groaned. Just what she wanted. James Potter.

"Don't call me love, and go away," Lily replied as she looked straight ahead. And found herself looking into a pair of sparkling blue eyes. _Great he brought the bouncing Dumbo with him too,_ she thought as she noticed Sirius.

"I can't," James smirked as he draped his arm around Lily's shoulders. "Seats are all filled up already."

Lily looked around the Gryffindor table and groaned. They _were_ filled up already. "Figures," she muttered darkly as the first years walked in.

She thought back to her first year, and how terrified she had been. She had never seen anything _remotely_ magical before Diagon Alley. And here she was walking through this room with floating candles and _moving_ clouds inside of a _all_ stone room with a _stone_ ceiling. And then there's a hat that _talks?_ she was in awe.

She had been so scared when she had left her parents on the other side of the wall, but then she had seen that there were all these other kids there, and she realized that she truly _was_ a witch. She was still scared about going into a world that she didn't know anything about, but there was nothing that she could do about that.

Before Lily realized it, she was being jerked out of her thoughts. She hadn't even realized that she had been crying at the thought that her parents were dead until she felt a roughened finger brush her tears off her cheeks.

"Don't touch, Potter," Lily sniffed as she turned to look at James and swallowed the tears that wanted to spill over.

"I'm sorry, Lily," James whispered softly as he rubbed her arm genteelly. His eyes widened as he felt how bony she had gotten. It felt as if she had no meat on her bones. And she had black circles under her eyes, making it look as if she hadn't slept in months. _She probably hasn't,_ James thought with a clench of his heart. It hurt to know that she was hurting this bad.

Lily shook off the apology and stared numbly at the first years being sorted.

It seemed like it took hours for the first years to be sorted - even though Lily wasn't paying much attention.

Lily leaned into James' embrace and sniffed. She didn't know why but he was making her feel a little safer than she had been, and cared for. She'd think about why she felt like that with him of all people later. But for now, for now she'd take the comfort that she was getting.

James on the other hand simply continued to hold her, his mind racing with the fact that she was allowing him to hold her in his arms. He wish that he could do something more for her, but he didn't know what to do. James took his eyes away from the beauty in his arms, to look at his best friend who was sitting across from him with a smirk on his face.

James stuck out his tongue and grinned at Sirius as he continued to rub Lily's arm soothingly.

oºoºoº

"And now, I would like to announce your Head Boy and Girl for this year," Dumbledore announced in his gravely voice as he looked over the student population.

"From Gryffindor, there is Lily Evans for your Head Girl, and James Potter as your Head Boy. If you have any questions, you may ask them, or if you need any help," Dumbledore announced as Lily and James stood up and received loud applause from the student body. Though Lily suspected it was more for James due to his popularity than her.

"Now, on to dinner, with a few choice words for you to go by. Sometimes enemies turn out to be your saviors, while sometimes friends will choose to betray those who he had been close to."

With that, Dumbledore waved his hands, and the feast appeared on the tables, at which time, Lily and James took a seat. "So, what classes did you take this year, Lily?" James asked as he started piling food on his plate.

"Same classes as I had last year, Potter," Lily sighed as she picked at the mashed potato's that she had put on her plate.

"Here, eat some," James instructed as he put some Shepard's pie on her plate.

"No thank you," Lily replied in a monotonous voice.

James stared at Lily with a frown. She wasn't Lily. She wasn't yelling at him, there wasn't that special spark in her eyes when she looked at him, she didn't have a book with her, she wasn't laughing, or cursing. She was sitting there. Being lifeless. It wasn't his Lily.

__

I'm going to get you to see that life goes on Lily. And you're going to laugh again, he swore as he ate his food.

oºoºoºo

"Come, Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, I'll show you your common room," McGonagall announced as Lily and James stood up to exit the Great Hall.

Lily and James followed their aging Transfiguration teacher out of the Hall and down the stairs, then up the stairs, then they passed the Fat Lady, then they passed the Room of Requirement. Then, after what seemed like ten minutes of walking, they stopped in front of a picture of a couple in a tender embrace under a weeping willow and the night sky. "Missing Dreams," McGonagall said, causing the portrait to open, revealing an elegantly homey room.

"Do be good you two, and Miss Evans," McGonagall said as an after thought. "If you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me." with that said, the teacher took her leave of the Head Students.

Lily looked around the room and nearly cried. It was set up the way that her family room had been set up. There was pictures of friends and family members from the Potter family and the Evans' family, there was a comfortable looking tan goose-down couch, two maroon colored arm chairs next to the couch, and a cherry wood table in front with books set on the table top in an attractive looking way, and the walls were lined with books. It reminded her of home.

"Lily?" James asked hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

"I miss my parents so much," she sobbed out as she ran up the stairs and into a room. Unfortunately for Lily, she didn't read the name on the door, and ended up running into James' room. Lily sat on the bed and looked at the pictures next to his bed and gasped. There, sitting in the front along with a picture of James, an older version of James that she took to be his father, and a beautiful looking brunette with blue eyes, was a picture of Lily.

Lily picked the picture up and studied it. She remembered that day. It had been the last day of Fifth Year, and she had gone out to the lake to take a mental picture to last her over the summer. She had sat on a large boulder near the shore, and simply gazed up at the castle with a serene smile on her face. There had been a bit of a gust when the picture had been taken or something, because every once in a while, her hair would blow in the wind, and she raise her hand to push it behind her ears again.

__

Why does he have this, she wondered with a frown. She had always known that James liked her, but she hadn't know that he had been serious enough to put a picture next to his bed where anyone could see it. _Maybe he really does care for me,_ she thought just as she heard a soft knock on the door.

Figuring that it must be James, Lily sighed and put the picture back where she found it. Getting up, Lily walked over to the door and opened it.

"Sorry for taking up your room," she said in a small voice as she brushed past him. "Have a good night."

"Sweet Dreams, love," James whispered back.

Lily heard the words and frowned. She didn't know what to do with him. And quite frankly, she just didn't have the sanity to figure it out. She had been getting those funny pull feelings in her stomach all night from him, but she didn't know if it was really from him, or because she had been having a hard time eating for a couple of months.

oºoºoºo

James laid down on his bed and sighed. He felt miserable now. He couldn't figure out how to get her to cheer up.

And he didn't want Lily walking around the castle depressed.

He couldn't live knowing that Lily was depressed.

__

But how would you feel if you saw your parents be murdered? He wondered.

"Like shit."

Sighing, James threw the covers back, put on his shoes, grabbed the invisibility cloak and walked out into the common room, then out of it. Throwing the cloak over his body, he walked toward the direction of the Gryffindor common room.

"Iced Monkey" James muttered to the sleeping portrait.

"No, mommy, don't take my cookies," the Fat Lady mumbled as the door opened, causing James to raise his eyebrows and enter the familiar Gryffindor Common room.

Jogging up the stairs that would lead to the Boys dorm, James walked all the way down the hall and opened the last door. "Wake up!" he yelled as he entered the room and slammed the door shut.

"Damn it James!" Remus groaned and threw a pillow in the direction of James.

"Come on you guys, I need your help, really badly!" James yelled as he walked over to Sirius' bed and shook him awake.

"ghaway," came the muttered reply.

"Sirius, you're missing out on Alyssa Watts stripping in the middle of the room!" James mock whispered into Sirius' ear, causing the said boy to jump up with excited eyes, and end up smacking the top of his head on James' face.

"Fuck! Ow!" James yelped as he held his jaw with a painful expression on his face.

"Where is she?" Sirius demanded as he looked around the room wildly.

Remus laughed and sat up in bed.

"Not here," Remus laughed, then snorted as the disappointed look came onto Sirius face.

James backed away from Sirius he glared at him because he had teased Sirius with the one girl that he hadn't been able to get as hard as he tried. And only James knew how much he really liked Alyssa. She was his Lily.

"Sorry, but I needed you to wake up! I need help! I need to get Lily out of this depression. I don't think that she's eating, she's barely sleeping by the looks of it, and she's not _Lily_." he cried out and looked at his friends.

"What do I _do_?"

**__**

Authors notes:

Sorry this took so long, but I wasn't even sure if I was going to even continue with this story. I'm still not sure, I guess that I'll just post a few more chapters and see how it goes from there, or if I start to get a flow with the story. So yea.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed! Review please!

****

Mistress del mare


	3. Chapter2

_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 2**_

_**03.25.07**_

Lily sat in her bedroom the next morning and simply stared out the window. She had barely slept the night before, and when she had, she had dreamt of her parents. She had tried all of the dreamless sleeping potions and every sleep spell imaginable, yet for some reason, her dreams still filtered through.

She just wanted to be happy again, smile again. To not wake up in the middle of the night shivering with sweat as the memories of her dreams haunted her. But she couldn't. While everyone else was out with friends, Lily was in her room alone. She had no friends at school, or even in her home town. She had always been too busy studying to have friends, or even boyfriends. She had her sister, but Lily had died to Petunia at the age of eleven when she received her Hogwarts acceptance letter.

The only people in the world who truly knew Lily was her parents. And now, they were gone. Simply because they believed in her.

Lily wiped away the tear that fell down her cheek at the thought and forced herself out of bed. She had classes in thirty minutes, and it was double potions with the Slytherins, so she couldn't be late.

Just as she was slipping into her Gryffindor robes, Lily heard a hesitant knock on her door. Frowning, she walked over and opened it.

"Hey, Lily," James smiled when he realized that she was up and ready for classes. "I was just stopping by to see if you wanted to walk down to the dungeons with me and the guys."

Lily looked at James as if it was for the first time. She knew that he liked her, but he had never really approached her as if to help her before. It was either to tell her she was beautiful, or to _tell_ her that she should go out on a date with him. As if she had no choice! But at this particular moment, Lily felt as if she was more than a pretty girl to him, and it made her want to smile. Maybe, just maybe she could find a friend to help her through the pain. Maybe that would make it a little more bearable.

"Yeah, one moment and I'll get my books," she told him as she pushed her deep auburn hair behind her ears and walked over to her wardrobe where she had set her book bag.

"Okay, let's go," she told him as she turned back around.

"Here," James said as she started down the stairs. "Let me take your book bag."

"No, it's okay," Lily protested as James took the strap off of her should and slung it over his shoulder along with his own. "It's heavy Potter, I can take it."

"Lily, my dear, I can handle the few million books that you have in here, don't worry," he told her with a smile as he put his hand in the small of her back and lead her out of the doorway. "Now, no more arguing with me or we'll be late to class, and Greenhorn just loves to have a reason to take points away from us as it is."

"Greenhorn takes points away from our house even if he _doesn't_ have a reason," Lily pointed out as they started down to the dungeons, accepting that she wasn't going to get her book bag back.

"True," James laughed. "But lets try to set an example shall we?"

Lily turned her head and stared at him. "Who hit you on the head?" she asked out of no where.

Turning his head, James' blue eyes locked onto hers and stared. "No-one," he said quietly, his eyes for once serious. "I just realized that there is more to life than getting in trouble and making mischief."

Lily almost tripped over air as she heard the words come out of his mouth. James Potter, not pulling any pranks? Yeah, and she was Queen Elizabeth!

"Not that I won't be pulling pranks or anything," James continued along as if he had heard her thoughts. "But, let's just say that it won't be as bad as it was last year," he told her as he held onto her arm as one of the staircases jolted them.

Lily sighed in frustration as she realized that the staircase just lead them to the opposite side of the hall than where their potion room was. "I hate these damn things," she muttered to herself as she and James turned around and started to head the other way.

"For the most part they aren't so bad," James told her as they fought their way through the throng of students. "Unless of course, they decide to change on you when you're running from Flitch or late for class."

"Which I'm sure that you personally know all about," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Of course I do my dear!" James grinned.

Lily simply shook her head. "Don't call me that," she told him, then walked into the potions room just as the final bell rung throughout the castle.

"Ten points from Gryffindor each for not being in your seats," Greenhorn sneered as Lily and James sat down in the back next to Sirius, Remus and Peter.

"Told you!" Lily whispered as she took her bag from James and took her books and paper out.

"Hey, I agreed!" James protested as he copied her actions.

James couldn't believe how well his luck with Lily was going. He spent the whole day with her! He walked her to every one of her classes – even the ones that he wasn't in with her, they sat together at lunch, and he almost made her laugh a couple of times throughout the day.

He didn't even have a plan to make her happy, yet it seemed as if all Lily really needed was for someone to be near, and he was more than happy to oblige her.

"I will get you Lily Evans," he whispered with a grin as he turned to his nightstand and looked at the picture of Lily that Sirius had given him for Christmas the year before. He hadn't even known that Sirius had taken it. They had all been sitting outside talking about the upcoming Quidditch match when he had seen her sitting a little ways away from him, and he had been awe struck.

James had liked Lily since the first day of school when he had seen her on the Hogwarts Express. Back then, James had been scared of girls. They caused all those funny feelings in him that he hadn't understood. And Lily. Well, Lily caused those feelings plus more.

Smiling, James turned over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. Remembering the first day that he met Lily always made him smile. He screwed up his first meeting with her so horribly that even to this day he was still amazed that he was living.

_An eleven year old James Potter stood outside of a compartment door and simply stared at the girl not much older than he by the looks of it, and gulped. **Gee, but she's pretty,** he thought with a dopey smile on his face. He straightened up, having realized years ago that it made him look taller, ruffled up always messy jet black hair like his father always did, pushed his silver rimmed glasses further up his nose, and cleared his throat. _

_And frowned.** Maybe she just didn't hear you,** he thought as he cleared his throat again hoping to gain the pretty girls attention. _

_She still didn't look up. With a frown, James looked around, and noticed that his best friend and adopted brother – not that his parents knew this yet – Sirius Black was bouncing down the hall. Literally. _

"_**Hey Sirius! Help me get this pretty girl's attention in here!"** he screamed out loud without realizing it. _

"_**Why?"** Sirius asked in a sing-song voice. **"Are you in **love**?"**_

"_**No! I just want to kiss her!"** James shouted in defense, trying not to make it seem like he really liked this girl. Especially since he never talked to her before in his life, yet even then James knew that she was something special. He just didn't want to let his friend know. He would never hear the end of it if he did!_

"_**Excuse me?" **came the icy reply from inside the compartment as the girl looked up from her book, her emerald green eyes glaring at James from underneath long auburn eyelashes. _

_**Wow,** was all that he could think as Lily as he found out her name was later in the day, yelled at him for being such an egotistical, soulless jerk. And then went on to lecture him for only looking at how pretty she was instead of trying to get to know her, and for assuming that she would want to kiss him._

_He didn't let her know that he **had** been trying to get her attention. He wasn't actually listening to anything she really said at that point._

_He was infatuated with her. _

James smiled. He was a smart kid to notice that she was special at such a young age. It took him five years to realize that the feelings that he felt for Lily was so much more than infatuation. At the end of their fifth year – when that picture had been taken as a matter of fact, James realized what all those funny feelings years before meant. He was in love with this girl, and no one else was ever going to do for him.

Which, was why he was on the mission to make sure that Lily was happy. That was all that mattered to him.

With a smile, James began to fall asleep, thinking of Lily as always. Just as he almost reached the state of total ovulation which nothing could wake him out of, James heard Lily scream, and was out of bed and flying out the door before he realized what he heard.

Storming into Lily's room, squinting his eyes so that he could see where she was, James made his way over to her bed. "What's wrong?" he asked her as he saw her sitting straight in her bed gasping as the tears flowed down her cheeks and onto her chest.

"I-I keep s-seeing the-em d-d-d-die!" Lily sobbed before she collapsed against James, sobbing into his chest as he sat down on her bed and held her close to him.

James was shocked. He knew that she was at the 'scene of the crime' but he didn't know that she had actually witnessed her parents die. Holding onto her tighter, James couldn't help but thank Merlin that she hadn't died also.

"Oh, Lil," James whispered as he shifted on the bed so that she was sitting in his lap and his back was against the headboard as he rubbed her back tenderly.

"I-I just s-s-s-stood there! I wa-watched him kill them!" she exclaimed before she started to cry harder, her breath coming out in harsh gasps as she tried to breath out of her mouth through all of her crying.

"Shh, it's okay sweetheart," James whispered into her ear as he rocked her. "It's okay."

Eventually, Lily quieted down enough for James to shift them into a laying down position. "Do you want me to go," he asked softly as she curled herself into his body.

"No," she said as she pushed herself even closer to James. It was almost as if she feared that he would leave her too.

"Okay, I won't go anywhere," he told her as he rubbed her arm softly. It wasn't long before he noticed that Lily was asleep, her breath coming out in soft puffs on his naked chest.

He couldn't help but notice after that, that she wore a short, revealing baby blue nightgown that had raised high on her hips, showing a lot of creamy white skin. He was a male after all, and their bodies did _not_ reason with what was right or wrong most of the time. His heart ached for the hurt that Lily was going through, while his body ached for a whole different reason.

Sighing deeply, James kissed the top of Lily's head and tried to get some sleep himself. There was only a couple more hours left before they had to be up to get ready for classes. Not that he was looking forward to them.

Closing his eyes, James smiled. He had dreamt of sleeping with Lily in his arms before, and now he could say that the sensation was nothing at all like the actual fact. She was a perfect fit.

_**Authors Notes:**_

_Umm…oopsie? Don't kill me!!! I'm sorry! I'm just a little ol' author who lost her muse! It's back though! I promise! _

_Anyway! Here's chapter 2. it's really sentimental I know. I'm trying to get across Lily's heartache. _

_I promise, more of the rest of the gang in the next chapter. And more of my usual funny Sirius moments….I love those:D_

_Review! _

_Always,_

_M.D.M_


	4. Chapter 3

-1_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 3**_

_**Updated 02.02.08**_

Lily woke up the next morning with a frown. Something heavy was on her. "What the hell?" she mumbled into her pillow as she pushed at the weight that was thrown across her stomache. Except that something was an arm. An arm that was attached to a body. A body that was currently breathing softly behind her.

Slowly, as to not disturb whoever it was, Lily turned her head slightly to the right, and caught a glimpse of messy black hair.

"James?" Lily squeaked softly as she turned her head back around and snapped her eyes shut.

"Mmm, Lily," he groaned in response as he tightened his arm around her.

Just then, Lily's alarm clock went off, signaling the time she needed to get up to get ready for school.

"No," James groaned as he buried his nose in Lily's hair, causing her to giggle. Which then caused James to slowly open his eyes, a confused look on his face as he tried to figure out where the nose came from.

"Good Morning, I think?" Lily grimaced as she turned around.

"You remember last night, right?" he asked slowly, preparing himself for the worse that she could give.e

"Yeah. Another nightmare," was her soft reply as she pulled out of his grasp and sat up. "Thank you for not leaving. The nights tend to be hard for me."

James watched as she got up and moved across the room, grabbing the things that she was going to need for her shower. That was all that he was going to get? Was a 'Thank you'? He wasn't going to be hexed, or hoaxed, or boxed or anything else?

Still watching her, James was frowning even as she disappeared behind the bathroom door. For years he wanted Lily's attitude towards him to change, but not because of this. It almost felt wrong to him.

Sighing, James got out of her bed and headed towards his, still thinking about what it must be like to go through what Lily had suffered.

"Oi! Prongs, where's Mrs. Prongs this morning?" Sirius asked as James sat down next to him at the Gryffindor Table.

"I don't know, she was still getting ready when I left, and she told me to go ahead and go to breakfast, so.." he shrugged as he started piling his plate with food.

"Mates," James whispered as he looked around the Great Hall to make sure that she wasn't close. Looking from Remus to Sirius, he leaned in. "She saw her parents get murdered. She has nightly nightmares about it, she also takes Dreamless potions, and she still dreams about it."

"How is that possible?" Remus asked as he took a bite of his bacon with a frown. "It's called a Dreamless Potion for a reason. It's Dreamless."

"I don't know but I saw a couple of the potions in her room this morning," James shrugged.

"What if He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did something to her when he killed her parents that made it to where the scene replayed in her head every time, no matter what?" Sirius asked around his mouthful of waffles.

"That's a possibility, but don't you think that Dumbledore would have tested for any kind of connection with him?" James frowned and picked at his food.

"Heads up, Lily's coming this way," Remus whispered urgently, knowing that the fiery red-head would blow up- quite literally if she heard what they were discussing.

"We'll finish this later," James whispered back as he looked up towards Lily. Regardless of her hair color, every time he looked at her, the word that always came to mind was soft. She just always looked so...calm, and fragile, and well, soft. There was no other way to describe it. He knew exactly what her temper was, but what was on the inside did not reflect what was on the outside.

"Morning, beautiful," James grinned up towards her as he scooted over so that she could sit between him and Sirius. He didn't know why, but he had a need to protect her, and he didn't want her sitting next to someone besides him or Sirius or Remus.

"Good morning," she half smiled as she picked up a bowl of fruit and frowned at Sirius. "Do you ever eat with your mouth shut?"

"Nofth!" he said shaking his head at her.

"What is our world coming to?" she sighed as she speared a piece of cantaloupe.

"With Sirius by our side, most likely a pile of mashed potatoes," Remus laughed.

"Hey!"

"Like you wouldn't make everything into mashed potatoes," Remus argued.

"Just because I _love_ mashed potatoes with their creamy, whippy, yummy substance does not mean that I would no miss other things in life," Sirius argued with a pout. "Like girls! Potatoes can't - Ouch! Prongs!"

"Sorry, Lily," James grinned as she glared at him for having pushed her closer to the table. "But you didn't want to hear the rest of that sentence."

"No, I'm actually interested Black, Potatoes can't what?" she smirked as she looked away from James to Sirius.

"Um, well you see, if they, well um, how can I explain this?" He frowned, his brown eyes concentrating on the words.

"Don't work too hard there, Padfoot," Remus laughed.

"They can't really pleasure me," Sirius decided as he stuck his tongue out at Remus.

"Ouch!" he yelped again. "Damnit! Don't do that Mrs. Prongs!"

"What did you call me? Isn't that what you call Potter? And that's what you get for being a perverted freak!" Lily said with a shake of her head.

"I called you that because you act just like James, and because you two will fall in lo-ouch! STOP THAT!" he yelled in frustration and lunged to hit James back. Except Lily was between the two and ended up on top of James, who was sprawled on the stone floor, with Sirius on top of them both.

"Get off of me!" Lily growled. "I can't breathe!"

"Do we have a problem here?" McGonagall asked as she stopped so that she was standing right above them.

"Make him get off of me!" Lily screamed as she wiggled around to see if she could slip from between the two boys.

"Lily, stop!" James gasped as his hands grasped her petite waist to hold her still.

"I can't breathe!" she groaned at the same time she felt why it was so important that she stop moving. Looking into James' blue eyes she didn't even feel Sirius being lifted from her body. She did however feel when McGonagall tapped her on her back with her wand.

Scrambling up, Lily blushed and wiped her hands on her skirts, ignoring all of the snickers from the hall. Along with many envious glares from multiple females who would have loved to be in the situation that she was just in.

Bending over and picking up her bag, Lily sent one last glare in Sirius' direction before she stomped out of the Great Hall.

"What were you two trying to accomplish?" McGonagall asked with a shake of her head as she looked down her nose at them in her normal haughty pose.

"Well," Sirius grinned as he propped himself up on the side of the bench. "Those two kept hitting me, so I tried to hit James back, because I just can't hit a girl, no matter how much she aggravates me, and well, you came in dearest."

"We were hitting you because you weren't making sense!" James protested.

"I never make sense, so how does today differ?"

"Because today you were doing- Oh, nevermind!" he huffed.

"Are you two done?" came McGonagall's stiff voice. "Because I'm here to tell you that Miss Evans does not need to be involved in this kind of behavior. And if I see this again, you'll be seeing me in detention. Again."

"But!" James protested as the professor started to walk away. "I didn't do anything wrong this time!"

"Isn't that a first?" came a sneering voice from behind the two.

"Why don't you bugger yourself, Snape," James snapped as he got off the floor. It would not be a smart thing for him to be on lower grounds than the enemy.

"Why don't you simply grow up?" Snape argued.

"So I can be just like you? No thanks, Slimeball."

"You know that she's never going to choose you, don't you?" was all that he said before he walked away, robes billowing out behind him.

"Who does he think that he is?" Sirius growled, watching him as he walked away. "It's not like anyone will ever want him!"

"I don't know, I think that he's kind of cute," Remus snickered. "You two would make a perfect couple!"

"I think that our little Remus might have a little crush," Sirius said in a sing-song voice.

"No, I'd rather spend time in my girlfriends arms," Remus grinned as Stephanie Mitchell's walked up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"You better," she whispered in his hear.

"I still don't understand how he got one of the hot ones," Sirius said, shaking his head as the bell singling class rung.

"You're just jealous," Stephanie smirked as she walked with her arms around Remus' waist.

"You know it babe!" he winked then looked around for James. "Hey! Where's Prongs?"

Remus looked around the Great Hall and frowned. "I don't know, when did he leave?"

"I don't know, I wouldn't have asked you if I knew that now would I smartypants?"

"You never know with you, you're the King of stupid," Remus shot back, making Stephanie laugh.

010101

"Lily!" James yelled as he watched her run for the Quidditch field.

"Leave me alone!" she yelled out as she continued to run. She had dropped her book bag outside of the Hall and she was in a full sprint now. She used to run all the time, until her parents died. And now, after all that time she hadn't ran, her sides were burning, her legs were on fire, and she was ashamed. Ashamed that she gave up another thing that she loved.

"Lily, please wait up!" James yelled again, continuing to run after her.

Finally giving up, Lily stopped and leaned over, her hands on her knees, gasping for air.

"God, I was worried," James gasped as he got to where Lily stood, panting.

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" Lily cried, wiping away at the tears that somehow managed to start again.

"Lily what's wrong? You were fine a few minutes ago," James said as he pulled her up and hugged her.

"Nothing is ever right, nothing will ever be right again," she cried. "I have no one, I'm scared of everyone. I can't deal with it. Why do I have to deal with it."

"Shh," James crooned, rocking her slightly. "Don't say that, please don't say that."

"It's true. I can't do it anymore. I close my eyes and I see them, I open my eyes and I see everyone happy. I close off my heart and it hurts even more," she said.

"Lily, I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'm here for you," James whispered.

"But what if you leave too? Then who will be here?" she sniffed, her arms finally wrapping around his waist.

"I'm not going to leave you. And you'll have my friends if ever you need someone and I'm not here," he reassured her.

"But they're not mine. I'm not close to them," she pointed out, trying to ignore the headache that was starting to pound behind her eyes. She was so used to the feeling that it barely bothered her any longer.

"You're close to me?" James asked, shocked.

"I shouldn't be," Lily sighed. "But I feel as if I am. You're the only one who's held me since this happened."

"I'll always be here to hold you," he said, kissing her hairline softly, breathing in her scent.

"But you can't promise that!" Lily screamed suddenly. "They said the same thing, yet they left to! Can't you see that I'm scared that I'll lose again?"

"Lily! Lily! Lily!" James yelled as he tightened his hold on her as she struggled to get free of his arms. "Know this Lily, I love you and I have from the day I saw you on that train. And I don't know if there is anything else for me," he whispered softly, shocked that he was actually saying the words.

He had rehearsed them over and over again in his head, but never in a million years did he think that he'd be able to say them out loud to her. Never did he think that those words would cause her to look up at him with her bright emerald green eyes shining with the tears that she was holding at bay.

"How do you know?" she asked, blinking up at him.

"It's just something that you know," he shrugged. "I'll never be able to feel this way again, and I know that. You're it for me Lily Evans. And if I have to wait forever, I will. I promise."

"Please, no promises," Lily said, shaking her head in protest. "Let's just try to take this one day at a time."

"I'll go as slow as you want Lily," James smiled, his blue eyes glowing happily as he let the words flow through him. "Always."

Lily laid her head on his chest again and looked around the Quidditch pitch. "I've never been down here," she told him softly, scared to break the moment. The momentarily peace that had settled over her.

"You haven't?" James asked, startled.

"No, I usually catch the last part of the match then go back and read afterwards and try to ignore the party that usually goes on," she shrugged, looking up at the tall stands.

"We'll next match, you're going to be right down here when I win," James declared, rubbing her back softly.

"Pretty sure of yourself aren't you?" Lily smiled as she relaxed under his touch.

"Always."

Lily simply laughed and hoped that this moment of serenity would last, yet knowing that the next nightmare was right around the corner.

_**Authors Notes**_

**I know that it seems like I'm rushing it, but this story is going to be a little different from the Entranced series. I hope that you guys like I regardless. Sorry about the short chapter, but I wanted you guys to get this after such a long wait!! SORRY!!!**


	5. Chapter 4

-1_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 4**_

_**Updated Feb 10, 2008**_

By the next morning news of James and Lily was all over the school. And Lily not being used to all of the attention that she was suddenly getting was starting to get a little testy with people.

"I can't believe that James and Lily are together, I just never thought that it would happen," some random student whispered as they passed by the Gryffindor table, causing Lily to finally growl in impatience.

"Will you all get a life and stop talking about any relationship I do or do not have with James!" she snapped at the two students who couldn't be older than thirteen. "And no I did not slip him a potion, and no I did not use a spell thank you very much!"

"Lily," James grinned as he tried to tug her back down into her seat.

"No James, because if I have to hear this one more time I'm going to scream!"

"Uh, I think that you already are," Sirius pointed out and quickly ducked as Lily's hand went flying towards his head.

"Shut up!" Remus laughed.

"I am dating James Potter on my own accord!" Lily announced loudly to the students that were in the Great Hall.

"You act like we care about your life, Mudblood," a silky smooth voice drawled from behind her.

"Don't call her that!" James, Sirius and Remus all growled to the group of Slytherin's.

"Malfoy," Lily glared. "Welcome out of the hole in the ground that you dug for yourself."

"Ah, Evans, you're just jealous that my 'hole in the wall' is still standing and your's is now just rock," Malfoy smirked as he brushed a lock of his platinum hair out of his face.

"You're just mad that my house is bigger than yours," she smirked back as she walked closer to him so that she was standing toe to toe with him. "And you're mistaken if you think that you're not going to get caught for what you've done. I saw you there Malfoy, and I'm going to make sure that you go down."

"You lie," he smirked. "You weren't even there."

"Oh, but I was," Lily told him with a deadly glint in her eyes. "And believe me when I say that it's you who is going to need protection."

"Oh, I'm so scared," Malfoy mocked shuddered.

"Lucius let's just go," Snape drawled. "I'm getting tired of being in Evans' presence."

"I'll be seeing you later," Malfoy growled to Lily as he passed.

Watching the Slytherin's head back towards their table, Lily was tempted to simply kill Malfoy now.

"What was that about?" James asked slowly, looking from Lily to Malfoy and then back again.

"He was there when my parents were killed," was all that Lily said before she picked up her bag from the floor and calmly walked out of the Hall.

Surprisingly - to Lily at least, all of the Mauderers got up from their seats and followed her out.

"You don't have to follow every step that I take," Lily sighed as James put his arm around her waist and took her bag, adding it to the shoulder that was holding his own.

"You're part of our family now Lils, you go, we go," James shrugged as they headed towards Charms.

"I don't need babysitters."

"We're not," Remus told her.

Lily just shook her head and wished that the past four months of her life hadn't happened. She didn't know how to handle people constantly being around her, she didn't know how to act towards James any longer, and she definitely didn't know how to go a day without feeling like she was going to break down and cry.

"How are we going to take care of Malfoy?" Sirius asked as they passed a group of Hufflepuffs.

"This is my fight," Lily protested as she sharply looked at Sirius.

"And we're going to help you out," Sirius argued. "No one messes with one of us without getting trouble."

"I'm working on something but it won't be ready for a really long time," Lily shrugged. "I'm not into pranking him, I'm into ruining him for the rest of his life. He's going to someplace worse than Azkaban," Lily told them, her mind on the potion that she was slowly inventing.

"Anything that we can help with?" Remus asked as they walked into the empty Charms room.

"Not yet, it's still in the baby stages."

"Well, what is it?" James asked as they walked back to the Marauders normal table and sat down.

Lily looked at where she was sitting and shook her head. "I'm not sitting back here, I'm going to go get a seat up front," she protested as she picked up her bag and walked towards the front row.

"Prongs! Don't let her do this!" Sirius groaned as the rest of them followed her. "If we sit in the front row, we have to pay attention!"

"It's not going to kill you," Lily said with a shake of her head as she sat in _her_ normal seat.

"Yes it is! I'm going to have to pay attention to something! I can't do that for more than five seconds! I'll get distracted, I know that I will!"

"That's so sad," Lily said with a fake sad look on her face. Her green eyes were laughing though.

"I know! That's why we're going to sit in the back," he grinned in triumph, thinking that he got the one up on her.

"Sure, that's why you're going to sit in the back, and I'm going to sit in the front!"

"Prongs! Make her see reason!" Sirius whined as he crossed his arms over his chest and all but pouted.

Laughing, James shook his head. "It won't kill you to actually open your book this year Sirius."

Sirius looked at James with wide eyes. "Wh-w-what? You agree with her?" he stuttered, his brown eyes growing larger.

"I'm going to sit with Lily here in the front," James shrugged and sat between Lily and Remus.

"But, what about me? I'll be the only one back there! We can't break up this way!" Sirius yelled, pronouncing his frustration with a stomp with his feet on the stone tiles.

"Then sit down in the front," Remus grinned. He was liking what Lily was accomplishing. He had been trying to get them to sit in a closer seat for years, and he just couldn't accomplish it.

"But how am I supposed to get my nap or prank people or flirt with girls in the front row?" Sirius demanded to know just as the classroom started to fill with people.

"If you do it in this class I'll sit in the back in Potions," Lily compromised.

Sirius sat down in the chair next to Remus faster than Lily could blink. "I am _not_ sitting in the front row in potions," he said with wide eyes.

Lily looked at James with raised eyebrows and let a little laugh out. "I think that I scared him a little."

"He's terrified of Greenhorn. The only teacher he is scared of," James laughed as he rested his hand on the back of her chair and played with the tips of her auburn colored hair.

"Why?"

"I don't really know, he always mutters something about slimy hair, pimple faced and scrawny bodies," James shrugged. "It's actually really odd."

"He really has problems. Have you guys had him checked for mental instabilities?"

"We did, it didn't help anything," James told her with a straight face.

"That kind of scares me," Lily said just as the teacher walked in.

0101010101

Later that night James was sitting in the common room working on his homework, thinking about the day. He would just get Lily laughing then something would happen and she would be sad again. And then the fact that Malfoy had been a part of what happened to Lily had to be taken care of.

Malfoy was going to go down if he had anything to say about it. If only he knew what Lily had planned for him.

Just as he started to form an answer for his Charms homework, James heard it.

Running up the steps to Lily's room, James took them three at a time.

She was sleeping, huddled in the middle of her large bed crying into the sheets. James clamed his heart beat a little so that by the time he was sliding under the blankets it wasn't trying to escape from his chest.

"Shh, Lily," James whispered as he gathered her close to his body.

"No," she moaned. It was such a heartening sound that James felt his heat clench.

"Lils, come on, baby, shh."

"James," Lily cried as she woke up at the sound of his voice. "Make it go away."

"Do you want me to stay tonight?"

"Don't leave?" she mumbled as she laid her head on his chest and hooked one of her legs over his to get comfortable.

"If you want me to, I'll stay," he told her as he kissed her forehead.

"Don't leave." was all that she said before she went back to sleep.

James lay there staring up at the ceiling wondering how he had managed to get himself in this situation again. Sleeping in Lily's bed with her scent around him, causing him to wish for more.

James gasped as Lily shifted, her knee brushing him, making his body harden at the contact.

"Great, another night of not sleeping," James sighed as he kicked his shoes off, making sure that they didn't land on the bed. Then taking off his glasses, he put them on the nightstand and shifted so that his arm wasn't asleep.

0101011

The next morning Lily woke up to the sound of snickering. "What the -" she grumbled as she opened one of her eyes. Looking around the room Lily frowned when she noticed that nothing was there. She knew that the sound wasn't coming from James, but the door that lead into the bathroom.

"Okay, I'm now going a little insane," she yawned as she laid her head back on James' chest. Her alarm hadn't even gone off yet, and she did not feel like getting ready before it.

Then she heard the noise again.

Frowning, Lily looked towards where it came from and pushed the covers back, climbing over James' body, Lily got out of bed and pulled down on her nightgown.

"What are you doing up?" James mumbled as he fumbled with his glasses so that he could see her better.

"Something is making a weird noise from over here," Lily told him as she walked towards the bathroom.

"No one is in here besides us," James said as he yawned, then finally looked at Lily. "If that's what you wear to bed nightly, I have a feeling that you're going to have a hard time getting me out of your bed."

Looking over her shoulder Lily smirked. "It's all I own," she pratically purred as she took in his messier than usual hair and his sleepy blue eyes. He had a five o'clock shadow and a sexy smirk. She didn't understand how she could feel like she wasted so many years avoiding James and now she felt like she wasted so much time.

"Is that an invitation Miss Evans?" James grinned from his position in her bed.

"For some reason I actually sleep when you're near me," she frowned in thought. "Ow!" she yelped as she walked into… thin air?

"Okay, what the hell is going on here?" Lily demanded as she looked at the spot that she just ran into.

James was glaring at the air in general as he grabbed the wand - Lily's wand- that was placed on the night stand. "Accio Invisibility cloak!" he summoned.

Except instead of the cloak coming towards him it turned into a huge flower pot.

"Um…what?" Lily frowned at the flower pot, then noticed Sirius and Remus come out from behind it.

101011


	6. Chapter 5

-1_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 4**_

_**Updated 03.05.08**_

"Uh, hi?" Remus grinned as he bent down and put the flower pot that was now on his head beside him on the floor.

"Uh, what are you doing here?" James glared as he sat up in the bed, eyeing his friends.

"We just wanted to make sure that you two were going to be up for breakfast," the now wandering Sirius shrugged as he picked up one of Lily's pictures. "Who's this beautiful lady?" he asked as he turned around.

"That," Lily snapped as she walked across the cold stone floor over to Sirius. "Is one of my old friends from my childhood, and it's not even anywhere near breakfast time, and give me that!" she yelled as Sirius held the picture out of her reach. Of course she had to be short when everyone around her was tall. Including her parents.

"And just what is our little Lily wearing to bed now, hm?" Sirius smirked down at her as he eyed her champagne colored silk nightgown that ended mid thigh.

"Clothes, just like you do," Lily snapped as she eyed her picture. There was no way that she was going to jump up and down in a short nightgown with a room full of boys. It just was not going to happen. There had to be a way.

"Actually, I don't wear clothes to bed. Not that James would mind if _you_ didn't," Sirius grinned at her.

Lily stared blankly at him, her green eyes open wide. "That is a very disturbing picture just so you know," she shuddered before she turned around and looked at James. He was smiling at her for some reason she couldn't begin to fathom. But his eyes were trained on her in a way that made chills race down her body. How is it that after all these years, all of a sudden James made her feel this way? What if something backfired when her parents were killed and now everything that she felt was backwards. "That doesn't make any sense, I still hate Malfoy," she mumbled with a shake of her head.

"What?" James asked with a small laugh. "Not that we don't disagree with you, but where in the world did that come from?"

"Thinking to myself," Lily smiled sheepishly. She really needed to break that habit. "You get my picture from the buffoon. I'm going to take a shower," Lily said pointing at James then Sirius. "And keep him out of my things."

"You're asking for a miracle," Remus laughed as she gathered up her clothes and walked into the bathroom.

"Sirius, put the picture down," James instructed, laying back down in the bed with a grin. He couldn't remember ever being this happy before. But he knew why. Ever since he met Lily he had wanted her, even though at that age he wasn't sure how, but he had wanted her. Then with age it progressed, now, she was his. Granted it was only because he comforted her, but he could call her his girlfriend now and she wasn't going to kill him for saying it.

"Prongs, you are whipped!" Sirius laughed as he put the picture down. Then proceeded to walk over and pick up another picture.

"Padfoot!" James sighed as he rolled out of bed, pulling his blue and black stripped pajama pants up as he walked over to Sirius.

"Are these her parents?" Sirius asked softly as he looked at the picture. It was an unmoving one that looked recent. There were green hills that were speckled with daisies in the background and a bright blue sky.

In the picture there were three figures. Lily and two others who appeared to be her parents.

"Yeah, that's them," James said softly as he stood next to Sirius, and now Remus and looked at the picture.

"We have to help her somehow with Malfoy," Remus said as he took the picture from Sirius and set it back on the bookshelf.

"No, you don't," Lily answered from the doorway.

All three guys turned to see her standing in the doorway with her black skirt, dark grey knee-highs and white button up shirt on, her red hair still spilling down her back.

" Lily," James flinched as he saw her green eyes flash.

"Don't presume that you know what happened, or what is going on. I have something that will take care of this, but it's going to take time, and it's going to be me who is going to do it," she snapped as she stormed into the room.

"Why can't you realize that you can depend on us?" James snapped back, stepping closer to Lily. "That you can depend on me."

"I've actually talked to you for what three weeks now?" she shot back, causing everyone besides her in the room to grow still. "I don't know who I can or cannot trust! I don't know if I'll live another day. I don't even know if there will be another day! Why can't I realize that I can depend on you?" Lily repeated and turned around, pacing the floor. "Because the only three people who I have trusted and depended on in my life had died. If I depend on you, who knows if you'll live!"

"How can you stand to lose so much based on what could happen?" Sirius asked quietly, causing everyone to stare at him in amazement. There were moments when Sirius was actually serious, but they were far in between, and often shocked everyone.

"Because I am so sick and tired of losing those that I love, or care about. One more person," she said, her voice breaking as memories of losing her best friend, memories of losing her parents flashing before her eyes. "One more person might be all that it takes to make me break."

"Lily," James interrupted before she started to cry.

"No, James, I can't lose again. Anyone. That's where I made my mistake. Please leave my room. All of you," she said, taking a deep clearing breath as she looked out of the tower window into the emptiness of the pre-dawn morning.

"Lily," Remus then interrupted.

"No, just…get out."

Not even a tree top was swaying in the distance. No sounds were coming from the animals, no person was walking the grounds. Total desertion.

Lily heard the door shut and leaned her forehead against the cold window and let the tears finally fall.

"When is it going to end?" she whispered to herself just as she felt two arms reach around her and hug her close.

"Lily, just let it out," James whispered softly as he rocked her body from side-to-side, closing his eyes as he breathed in her scent. If only there was something as simple as scent that he could do to make it all better for her.

"Why are you here? I wanted you to leave."

"Because you need me here," was all that he had to say as he rested his head against hers.

"I don't want you here doesn't that count for anything?" she said, closing her eyes against the tears.

"No."

Lily pulled out of his arms and walked over to her wardrobe. She wasn't going to classes. Picking out a pair of blue jeans, ignoring that James was still in the room, Lily put the pants on, leaving the skirt on until she got the pants all the way up. "Then I'll leave," she said as she buttoned her pants and dropped her skirt before looking for a pair of shoes.

"Lily, please don't do this," James sighed as he lifted one of his hands to rub his face wearily.

"Don't do what James?"

"Don't walk out on me. Please just, just don't. I need to be able to be there. I need to be able to help you, I need to be able to reach you and know that I can," James pleaded, and ignoring her glare, grabbed her face, caressing her cheeks as he looked into her eyes. "I love you, I have to be here for you."

"I wish that there was a way to make you feel how I feel James, I can't even start to describe what I feel every day. What goes through my head with every corner that I turn. Can you imagine what it's like to fear someone around you dying every day? I wouldn't mind dying, but I'm tired of being on the other side of it," she said, angrily rubbing the tears off of her now red cheeks.

"There are no guarantees that someone will always be there, but what is life living in fear of something?" James asked softly, his eyes searching hers.

"It's a safe life."

"But is it a life that someone will remember? That someone will want to miss? Is that what you want?"

"I don't know," she said, trying not to scream or cry, or whatever it was that her body was telling her to do.

James softly ran his thumbs across her soft red lips, watching as her green eyes glazed over by the sensation. Slowly bending his head, James kept his eyes open and on hers as he lowered his lips to hers. He had been waiting for this for as long as he could remember. He had dreamed of this moment ever since he could dream of such a moment. It did not disappoint.

0000

Lily slowly closed her eyes and moved her arms around to rest on his shoulders. No one had every tried to kiss her before, she thought as James nudged her lips open so that he could properly kiss her.

Pulling back, Lily looked at him with shocked eyes. How could people like to do that?

"What's wrong?" James asked.

"Wh-what was that?" she asked in a small voice. She didn't like not knowing what something was, and this, she definitely did not know.

"A kiss," James frowned.

"Oh," she said, biting her lip and looking away from him, instead concentrating on the spines on the black bookshelves on the opposite wall.

"Lily," James asked after clearing his throat nervously. "Have you ever been kissed before?"

Lily gave a small shake of her head and continued to try to read the spines on the books.

"Oh," was all that he could think to say. He was grinning however. He never dreamed that it could be so good for him. Here he was kissing his dream girl, and he was her first. And when they made love, he would be her first then also.

He had never been anyone's first before. And when he was, it was with the most important person it could have been with.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she closed her eyes tightly. It seemed like no matter what she did she always got everything wrong. Here she was thinking that for at least a few moments she would be able to forget about it all, here was someone who really wanted her for her, who wanted her to be happy, and her inexperience ruined it all.

"Don't be sorry," James protested as he reached out and turned her face towards his. "It's the best thing I've ever heard."

Lily opened her eyes and stared at him. "Are you insane?" she asked him. "I don't know how to kiss, or how to please you, how can that be good!"

"Because you've never kissed another bloke before," he grinned. "I'm going to be the only one."

"You're awfully sure of that," she said, still frowning at him.

"You're not going to kiss another."

"Is that a demand?"

"No, you're just not going to kiss another."

"Really now," Lily growled as she wiggled out of his hold and stomped towards her door.

"Where are you going?" James asked as he followed her out of the door and down the stairs.

"To find a guy to kiss!" she yelled as she walked out of the common room, not even noticing the knowing smirks that Remus and Sirius shot the two arguing teens as they walked out of the room.

"Why? I'm more than willing to kiss you!" James told her as she started running. "Damn it I really wish you would stop running!" he groaned as he too started to run.

Lily grinned as she noticed one particular dark-haired head ahead of her. Breaking out in a full on sprint towards the boy.

"Lily!" James panted as he realized what she was going to do.

At the sound of James's voice, Lily grinned and the boy turned towards Lily.

"Severus I have something for you," Lily panted as she skidded to a stop before the greasy haired teen.

Snape in turn simply raised his eyebrows in question.

Lily grinned as she took his face in her hands and kissed him.

"No!" James screamed as he leaped the ten feet that was separating him from the embracing 'couple'.

Lily released Snape with a disgusted look on her face just as James's body smashed into hers.

"Ouch!" Lily cried out as her body hit the stone floor. Hard. "Get off!" she said as she pounded on his back furiously.

James rolled off of her and onto his feet within seconds.

Lily gasped for breath then screamed once she noticed where James was. "James let him go!"

"He kissed you!" James yelled back, turning his head to glare at her. He had Snape up by the collar of his robes, pinned to the wall.

"Correction Potter, she kissed me!" Snape smirked as his hand started to slip into his pocket.

"Snape if you hex him you will be in so much pain you won't be able to blink your eyes," Lily snapped as she got up off of the floor and walked over to James. "And I only kissed him because you told me that I couldn't do something."

"I didn't tell you that you couldn't do something," James argued, not aware of the students that were gathering around them.

"Yes, you did. But now," she said, smiling as she stepped closer to James. "I can do this."

With that said, Lily set her lips on his, causing James to drop Snape and turn around to properly kiss her.

Neither of them never heard or felt Snape storm pass them, or the whistles and taunts coming from the few students that were hanging around them. All they saw were each other, all they felt was each other.

That is until they felt McGonagall force them apart and stare down at them with a stern face.

"Miss Evans, I really expected better than you than this," she said with a shake of her head.

Lily opened her mouth to reply but thought better of it, opting instead to shut her mouth and hang her head remorsefully. There was no way she was going to apologize for her first kiss. Especially one with James Potter.

_**Authors Notes:**_

_**Just so you guys know for those of you who have never read any of my disclaimers from my previous stories, I am borrowing a sketchy outline of the Harry Potter stories, the names and the places, that's really it. I started these stories before much was known about James and Lily and I feel that it is stupid to suddenly change what I think that my characters look like. I'm sorry if it puts anything off for you, but I can't do it. Sorry. **_

_**Anyways! Here is the next chapter! **_

_**By the way, I know that some of you are really wanting Is It Worth It? Updated, but I have a problem. I have no clue where the hard copy of that story is. How would those of you have read it like a new Is It Worth It? Because honestly I really don't remember much about that story, it being so long ago. I might be able to eventually find the floppy disk of it when I finally finish unpacking but then again, I don't have an a drive. So let me know!! **_

_**Now off to sleep the rest of this damn cold that I got off - on my birthday mind you! Let me tell you there's no better way to spend your 21st birthday plus the rest of the vacation days you have off than sick! Not. **_


	7. Chapter 6

-1_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 6**_

"I can't believe that I have a detention," Lily grumbled as she walked down to the library hand in hand with James later that night.

"No worries, it's not going to hurt you any," James grinned as he pulled her closer and slung his arm around her shoulders.

"I've never done it before. My record," Lily sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder as they walked down the deserted hall.

"What's one detention in the long run of things?" James chuckled as they came to a halt in front of the library doors, waiting for Madame Prince to show up.

"A lot! I'm Head Girl, what kind of example is this for the Head Girl. And the Head Boy for that matter," she scolded as she lightly hit him in his stomach.

"Hey this is only my second one this year, that has to be some kind of record since I've been attending this school," James laughed as he tugged on one of the auburn curls that was escaping the bun that she had put her hair in before they left the common room.

"Mr. Potter why am I not surprised to see you?" Prince tisked as she walked through the library doors.

"Prince, my dearest Prince, I know that you're missing me, but I'm sorry, my new girl is kind of a little temperamental when it comes to me getting detentions," James grinned charmingly as he adjusted his glasses.

"Yes, well," Madame Prince laughed, blushing like a little school girl, which had Lily gaping at the older woman. "Rightly so. I daresay that you could instruct Miss Evans on what to do as I go over some paperwork."

"Yes, ma'am," James saluted as he dragged the still stunned red head through the wide doors.

"Was that really Madame Prince?" Lily asked as they walked towards the large windows in the back of the library.

"Yep. Now, all we have to do is reshelf these - which is really easy considering she didn't take our wands; I wonder why," James frowned, then shrugged with a grin. "Oh, well!"

"But James, this is a punishment, we're supposed to do this by hand, _without_ magic," Lily protested as she pulled away from him and glared. "We are not cheating."

"Lily are you kidding?" James gaped at her with wide eyes. He could barely see her eyes in the dim candle light, most candles having been put out since the library was technically closed. And what he saw in her eyes did not thrill him.

"No, we're doing this by hand," she told him as she picked up a stack of books and looked down at the top book. "Now you take this side of the library and I'll take the other side," she told him as she walked off in the opposite direction, leaving James staring at her retreating back.

0c0c0c0c

An hour later, having finished, Lily went looking for James, not at all surprised to see him sitting in a chair by one of the tables, balancing on two of the four legs, his knees being held by the table, and his arms behind his head as he contemplated the high ceiling.

"You used a spell didn't you?" she sighed as she leaned against one of the bookshelves and simply looked at him.

"No," he said as he dropped his chair on all four feet and grinned. "I wouldn't do that."

"Liar," she laughed with a shake of her head as she walked towards him. "Come on, let's go to bed."

"I like the sounds of that Miss Evans," James grinned as he rested his hand on her waist, his hand slipping under her white filmy peasant top to caress her lower back.

"Not like that," Lily laughed as they walked out of the library.

"Aw, come on now Lily," James whined as they made their way down the hall.

"Nope." she said with a shake of her head, causing most of the pins that she had meticulously placed her in hair to loosen or fall out.

"Nice hair," James snorted as he took his hand out from under her shirt and raised it to her head to take care of the half up half down do.

"Don't pull out my hair!" Lily yelped as he tried to pull one pin out and ended up taking a chunk of hair with him.

"Sorry!"

"Aw, isn't this cute," Malfoy sneered as he came up from behind the couple. "Potter waiting on a mudblood."

"Oh, get a life!" Lily snapped at the same time James said, "Don't call her that!"

"I'm so scared," Malfoy snickered as he lovingly caressed his wand, his glazed sliver eyes taking in the sight in front of him. "I do have to say that you're looking like a tasty piece regardless of station though Evans. How much is he paying you?"

"You fucking prick!" Lily yelled as she whipped out her wand seconds before James could take out his.

She had him up against the wall with strength that she didn't even realize that she possessed, her wand against his throat. "I know enough spells to make even your hair curl Malfoy," she snarled, her green eyes flashing. "I have knowledge in the Dark Arts and spells that are only half invented that you could only dream of knowing. You don't scare me."

With that, Lily raised her knee up forcefully causing Malfoy to crumble to the stone floor as soon as she let go of him. "_Simplus Perlexi,"_ she pronounced with a wave of her wand before she turned around and stormed down the hallway, wanting to be nowhere besides her bed.

"What'd you do to him?" James asked as he caught up to her.

"Every time he thinks about sex he's going to have a sharp, unbearable pain where he wears his pride," she told him with a smirk.

"Really?" James laughed as he grabbed her hand as they hopped onto one of the moving staircases. "And just where did you learn this?"

"I invented it myself," she said with a shrug as they reached the statue of a huge overgrown tulip. "Pennywinkle," Lily said and waited for the portrait to move.

"You invented it? How in the world did you do that? It takes years and years of training to do that!" James exclaimed as they walked into the brightly lit common room.

"I don't exactly know, I just have this knack for making up spells and they stick," Lily shrugged as she walked over to the table that was in front of the couch and picked up one of the apples that was in the fruit bowl there.

"You don't just have that kind of knack Lily, it's something that you have to work for and be mentored with," James pressured as he continued to stare at her in amazement.

"I don't know, when I first came to Hogwarts I was trying to learn the levitation spell and I ended up saying it wrong and something really cool happened - so I did it again, and granted with most people, even if they did the same exact thing twice it would never turn out the same, but it did, and," she shrugged as she took another bite of the apple and paused to chew it. "Ever since then as long as I think of what I want the spell to do, it happens. The only thing that I ever need to perfect is my movements."

"Lily, no one in the history of magic has ever done that before," James told her slowly as he walked towards her, still confused. There was something missing from this story and he couldn't figure out what.

"I know, believe me, I've read up on it. The only time this has ever happened was with Merlin. I don't understand how it could happen to me, who as far as I know or my parents knew am the only magical person in my family line, be able to attempt this."

"Lily, this is - this is big!" James exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air, trying to figure out how to tell her that this didn't just happen to people.

"I know. Why do you think that I've always been so great at Transfiguration and Charms? I don't know, but along with this weird power came the knowledge of every spell and every incantation. All I have to think is what I want it to accomplish and if it's already made, it's there," she shrugged. "And Dumbledore doesn't even know why I have this ability, but he does know that if it's known He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will come for me."

James just stared at her. He had known years earlier that she had been special and unique, but he never knew that she was this special. She had all of these hidden talents that he could spend years searching for and never find them all. "You are the most amazing person I know," he said softly as he reached up and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"No, I'm not," she said, blushing as she stepped closer to him. She really wanted to kiss him.

"Yes, you are. Perfect and amazing and beautiful," he whispered as he lowered his head to hers.

Lily felt the same heat engulf her body as she had the first time as she raised onto her tip toes and locked her arms around his neck, giving as much as she was getting.

Groaning from the sheer force of the kiss, James stumbled backwards, looking for any surface that he could sit on. Knees hitting the back of the chair, James sat down, bringing her with him so that she was straddling his legs.

Breaking from the kiss with a gasp, Lily leaned her head back, shook out her hair and grinned. For once she felt alive, she thought as she smiled down at James. "I think that you're good for me," she told him in a desire roughened voice that she couldn't believe came from her.

"I know that you're good for me," he grinned as he cupped the back of her head with one of his Quidditch roughened hands and drew her down for another kiss as his other hand slipped beneath her shirt again.

Lily moaned into the kiss as she felt the rough pads of his fingers run up and down her back. If she knew that passion and lust did this to you she would have tried it out way before now!

James could feel himself harden from the little moans and mewling noises that she was making in the back of her throat.

"Merlin, Lily," he groaned as he broke from the kiss and trailed his lips across her cheekbone, behind her ear, then down her neck.

"James," she moaned as her small petite fingers grasped his silky, messy jet black locks. "What are you doing to me?"

"Pleasuring you," he said, his voice a slight rumble against her skin as the hand that was on her back unsnapped her bra.

"Prongs! Mrs. Prongs! Open up!"

Lily blinked her eyes open and looked down at a dazed James. "Can I kill them?" she asked in a hoarse voice.

"Only after I do," James panted as he leaned his head against her breast bone.

"Why are they here?" she groaned as they called out again.

"I forgot that we had plans for a few hours tonight that can't be cancelled," James told her as he tried to clam down.

"If you don't let us in we still have the password!" Sirius yelled through the wall, causing Lily to gasp.

"Redo my bra," she hissed as she ran her hands through her hair. "They can't see me like this."

James snickered as he did what she wanted him to - just in time for Sirius and Peter to come through the door. "Next time you do that, you might get a peep show," James sighed.

"Whoa," Sirius exclaimed in shock as he came to a halt when he noticed the two teenagers that were half in and half out of the huge chair, James with his hair messier than usual, and Lily with her unusual disheveled hair and clothes and kiss swollen lips. "Didn't mean to interrupt," he grimaced.

"My fault, I forgot," James sighed again as he reluctantly withdrew his hands from underneath Lily's shirt. He lightly tugged on the back of her shirt, reluctant to lose the close contact with her body.

Lily turned around and hit him upside the head, causing him to stare at her in confusion.

"What was that for?" he asked her as he rubbed his head. She hit harder than people thought that she did.

"For forgetting. I'm going to bed," she announced as she got up off of James' lap and walked around the table. "Goodnight boys, don't get in too much trouble!" she called down as she ran up the staircase and into her rooms.

"Prongs man, I'm sorry, but Remus-" Sirius said, starting to laugh at the frustrated look on his best friends face.

"I know, I totally forgot then- regardless, give me a couple of seconds and we can head down to the willow," James sighed as he momentarily closed his eyes then heaved himself out of the chair.

James walked past Lily's room and into his, frowning as he tried to remember where he put his cloak the last time that they used it. Looking around his room, he had to laugh. It had never been so clean before. Even on the first night he and the guys had always managed to throw stuff all over the place, making it look like, well, like seven teenage wizards live in the room. But seeing as he was always with Lily or in Lily's room he hadn't really had time to mess it up.

Seeing a metallic glint from underneath his bed, James walked over and bent down, surprised when he pulled out his cloak. That was a little too easy. Sirius had the map, he was already in loose clothes, he had the cloak and his wand. "Weird," he muttered with a shake of his head as he walked out of his room and threw the cloak over the railing to Sirius down at the bottom. "I'll be a couple of seconds," James yelled down as he knocked on Lily's door.

"Don't forget about Remus!" Sirius yelled back up as James slipped into his girlfriends room.

"Lily?" James called out as he entered the dark room.

"Yeah?" she called out from the bathroom.

"Are you decent still?" he asked as he walked towards the closed bathroom door.

"Kind of," she answered hesitantly.

James frowned. "Can I come in real quick?"

"Okay."

James was still frowning as he opened the door. The candles were turned down low in the room, and there was a scent of jasmine in the air. Shaking his head, James searched for her. She wasn't near the sinks or anywhere else. Then he heard the faint splash that caused his eyes to widen.

"Uh, hi," he smiled as he looked towards the huge bathtub that she had lowered herself to the chin in. She had bubbles all over, so thick that you could probably cut it and serve it on a platter and she had piled all of that glorious auburn hair on the top of her head in bun that had a few tendrils falling around her face.

"Hi," she smiled up at him as she dunk her chin a little lower in the bubbles, causing her to look more childish than she already did.

"I was just stopping by to tell you that I am going to be back in a few hours," he said, trying not to imagine what was under the bubbles. Something that he truly wished that he could figure out.

"Okay," she frowned. "Why are you telling me though? I'm not your keeper."

"Because I don't want you to freak out when I slide into bed next to you in the middle of the night," he grinned as he walked towards the tub and sat down on the lip of the sunken down huge tub.

"No one else would be brave enough to do so," Lily laughed with a shake of her head.

"They better not," he growled as he leaned down and gave her a kiss on the lips. "Sweet dreams," he whispered as he kissed her one more time before he got up from his spot on the floor.

"Be safe," she grinned up at him as he walked towards the door.

"Always," he grinned back at her before he walked out of the door and shut it.

Letting out a deep breath, James shook his head. She was definitely going to be the death of him. And she didn't even know it, he thought as he walked out of her room and down to his waiting friends.

"Thank God," Sirius laughed as he clapped James on the shoulder as they headed out of the room. "I thought that I was going to have to go get you."

"If you had, I would have had to kill you," James told him with a laugh.

"Like you haven't done the same thing to me," Sirius protested.

"So? Besides Lily was in the bathtub. That is something that you are _not_ allowed to see," James told him with a glare. "Ever."

"The bathtub, huh?" Sirius grinned. "So have you and Mrs. Prongs-" he asked as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at James.

"No," James sighed. "Not yet."

"Aw, poor Jamesie," Sirius laughed as they ducked behind a suit of armor so that they could pull out the map.

"Sirius, shut up," James laughed as he took the map from Peter's shaking hands and pointed his wand at it. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," he whispered and watched as the map came to life, dots scattering around all of the different floors with names above them.

"Why are so many people up?" Sirius asked as he leaned over to look at the map.

"I don't know, but I don't have time to make sure that they get to bed," James said with a shake of his head. "Norris and Flitch are two stories up, so we're clear," he said as he refolded the map.

"Then lets go find Mooney and have some fun!" Sirius grinned as he rubbed his hands together.


	8. Chapter 7

\/p>

-1_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 7**_

James quietly slipped into Lily's room later that night and grinned as he saw her curled in the middle of the bed, the pillows bunched up around her. She looked so peaceful and innocent laying there. Granted, she was innocent, but not in all aspects of life. 

Thinking about that, he frowned as he kicked off his shoes and sat them next to the door, knowing that if he left them in he middle of the room she would have his head, and walked over to the bed, shedding his cloak and throwing it towards a chair that was in the middle of the room as he did so. Grabbing a hold of the comforter, James slipped under it and grabbed Lily's warm supple body and pulled her close to his body. 

"Welcome back," she mumbled as she laid her head on his shoulder and got comfortable, having woken up as he rearranged her body. 

"Go back to sleep, there's still a few hours left until class," he yawned as he drew his hands through the hair that was spread across the pillow next to them. 

"Okay," she mumbled as she shifted slightly, her leg slipping between his so that she could better position her body. 

James waited until her breathing settled into a slow, even rhythm, showing that she was asleep again before he grinned. It was still a shock to him when he realized that he really had Lily Evans in his arms and she wasn't pushing him away. Ever since he saw her that first day this is what he had wanted. Well, not her in his arms - that came later when he hit puberty, but he had wanted to be able to spend time with her without worrying that she was going to hate him and hex him. 

And now that it was happening, he couldn't help but want more. This was the girl for him. Some people just knew when they found that person, and James was lucky enough to not have to search for her. He had found her on the train to school when he was just eleven years old. The only thing was that he had to make her realize that there was no one else for her besides him. 

The only problem was, he had to do something about Malfoy, and he couldn't let her do it by herself. Yet in helping her, he was going to piss her off. She had forbidden him and his friends to help her, but how were they supposed to stand around and watch how Malfoy treated her, taunted her, letting her know that he really was one of the ones there, but not giving her enough to really convict him. Letting her know that he was one of the ones responsible for killing her parents. For that alone he deserved to get the worst fate that Merlin could give him.

And he was going to help Lily take them down one by one. And for hurting her, Malfoy was going to get the worst of it. 

"I need to help you," he sighed as he took his glasses off, placed them on the nightstand and tried to fall asleep. 

It was going to be a long day tomorrow considering that it was now two in the morning and they had a full schedule of classes. 

0c0c0c

_Sixteen year old Lily Evans was sitting on the edge of her bed as she read her letter from Hogwarts. She had done it. After all of her hard work she had made it to Head Girl. This is what she had been working for the past seven years. This is why she worked herself so hard, spent so much of her time studying and ignoring people who wanted to be friends with her. She gave it all up so that she could learn. And finally, her hard work had paid off. In the form of a shiny golden badge with the Hogwarts crest on it. _

"_Lily, honey," her mother gasped in her soft melodic voice as she ran into the room, her auburn hair in disarray as she stopped in the doorway, looking around the room in alarm. "What's wrong?"_

"_What happened?" her father demanded as he appeared right behind her mother, his green eyes peering around her mother's small frame looking for some unknown harm._

_Blushing, Lily laughed. She must have made a noise - a rather loud one considering that her parents room was down the hall and on the opposite side of hers, and woke them up on accident. "I made Head Girl," she told them happily as she held up the small badge that had fallen onto her white comforter when she had opened up her normal school book list that she had received moments ago._

"_Oh, baby!" her mom squealed happily, sounding as if she was Lily's age as she rushed into the room to embrace her youngest daughter tightly in her arms. "I knew that you could do it! You could have done it without all of the work that you've done these past years too."_

"_We knew you could do it, Kiddo," her father grinned as he came in and sat on the bed watching as his girls hugged. As soon as her mother had let her go, Lily grinned down at her dad and crawled onto his lap and hugged him. Laying her head on his shoulder, she inhaled his woodsy scent and grinned._

_She had always been one of those typical Daddy's Little Girls who received everything that they ever wanted as long as they talked to their dad, and even now, being so close to turning seventeen she would still crawl up in her dad's lap and cuddle. Even being as close to her mother as she was, Lily would always have an extra special place in her heart for her dad. Most likely because they were so much alike in personality, they were closer than most sixteen year olds were with their parents. Especially females with their fathers. _

"_We need to celebrate," Sophia Evans decided as she rubbed her small hands together, her wedding ring glinting in the soft morning light that was coming through the open windows, letting the soft sea breeze into the room._

"_We do, it's not every day that our little girl gets something so big," Daniel agreed as he lightly kissed to top of Lily's head. _

"_You guys don't need to do anything for me," Lily protested as she lifted her head and looked from her father to her mother. "Seriously. We don't need to do anything."_

"_We're doing something," Sophia told her daughter, looking into eyes that were identical to hers. Lily was the exact replica of her. From the deep auburn hair, to the pale Irish skin - amazingly without the red-head curse of freckles, to the small, lithe frame. _

"_Mom," Lily groaned, knowing that 'doing something' meant having a huge and embarrassing celebration at her mother's restaurant, and attention from people that knew of her, which is not something that Lily liked. She wasn't necessarily a 'people person' as most would call it, and extra attention made her a little nervous. It was almost as if they were just waiting for her to make a mistake so that they could laugh at her._

"_No arguing, Tigerlily," Daniel told her with a poke in her side, causing her to giggle._

"_Don't!" Lily laughed as her father poked her again. She had always been extremely ticklish much to her regret. It was one of the few weaknesses that she had, and thankfully not many knew about it._

"_Daddy!" she squealed as he started to tickle her, her mother's laughter sounding out as Lily tried to get out of her father's arms. Trying to get to any place that was safe. _

_Sophia simply shook her head as she watched her husband and daughter battle it out. This was a daily occupancy when Lily was home, and she missed it the days that she was away at school. _

_0c0c0c_

Lily blinked slowly as she woke up and the dream started to fade. Or more accurately, the memory started to fade. This was the first night since the night that they had been murdered that she had a peaceful dream. 

Lily looked around the still dark room and smiled as she shifted her head on James' chest. She didn't mind being up at four a.m. from a good dream. It's the bad dreams that got to her. 

Sighing, Lily closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, wanting her dream to continue, but instead her mind went to the potion that she was brewing that was going to be part of the downfall of Malfoy. She had another month until it was done, but it was slowly coming along. She was going to need to get James and his friends to find a way to make sure that Malfoy consumed it however. She just hoped that they would be able to wait until it was done because this was not something that she wanted public knowledge, and she wasn't so sure if she trusted Peter. For some reason he reminded her of a rat. 

There was nothing more that she wanted than Malfoy to spend the rest of his days rotting in hell. However, she couldn't take it on her conscious if she simply killed him. She had the power and the skills to easily do it with one simple spell, but that would be on her mind all the time; it would make her no better than he was. That was something that she didn't think that she would be able to live with herself for. She had something much better in mind for him. She had the downfall of everything that he cherished in life in mind. His looks, his power, and the very magic that he held so dear. 

What she was brewing was a potion that had only been used once in the history of magic. She was brewing a potion that would drain the drinkers power from their body, and you would never be able to regain that power again. Malfoy was going to become the very thing that he hated in life, and there was nothing that he could do about it. He was going to become a squid. A muggle with knowledge of the magical world.

"Why are you up?" James asked softly as he threaded his fingers through her sleep tangled hair, causing her to snap out of her thoughts. 

"Dream, thinking," Lily yawned as she reached down and pulled the blue blanket up to her chin, the damp breeze that was seeping through the old castle walls causing her to shiver. 

"Want to talk about it?" he yawned silently.

"It was a memory more like," Lily told him as she absently drew lines and figures on his chest, not noticing the tension that ran through his body at her ministrations. "It was the day that I found out that I had made Head Girl. They were so happy for me," she said with a soft smile as she thought back onto the day.

"They were the type of parents to brag about their children's accomplishments, and it was always so embarrassing to be around when they did so. But it was one of those days that you end up taking for granted until you lose it. I used to always sit in my Dad's lap like I was a little girl still, and I had been - I'd always been Daddy's little girl, no matter how old I was. He started to tickle me and we ended up talking my mum into cooking pancakes for breakfast. Later that night we ended up at my mum's restaurant and the whole place congratulated me, and the next day I woke up to this necklace on my pillow," Lily smiled through the tears that were shinning on her eyes, refusing to let them fall over such a happy memory. She was done crying over what couldn't be. She wanted to remember what was, and the happiness that was with those moments. 

Lifting her hand to the necklace that she hadn't taken off since the day she received it, Lily rubbed her finger over the diamond lily and laughed. She had always found it funny that people automatically thought that she liked lilies simply because that was her name. Truth was it wasn't even close to being her favorite flower. Or her parents. It was simply a name that was passed down in the Evans family.

"What was your parent's reaction to your badge?" Lily asked him, looking up at him, squinting so that she could see him better. 

"They thought that it was a joke," he snorted. "My mother almost died of shock when they figured out that it was real. I was too busy staring at it like it was going to jump up and curse me while my Dad was grinning at me for upholding the family tradition."

"Are you close?" 

James finally opened his eyes and looked down at Lily. "I am to my mum, but I don't really see my Dad around the house enough to be overly close to him."

"Oh, James," Lily cried reaching up and cupping his cheek. "I'm sorry."

"We're close, I know that he's there for me, but it just seems like unless I tell him that I need him, he isn't there," James shrugged, not wanting her to think badly of his father. 

"That must be hard, I'm sorry," Lily said softly, her green eyes no longer shinning with tears as she shifted so that she could see him better. 

"It's not so bad; I understand that he's busy."

Finally getting the clue that James didn't like to talk about his father much, Lily nodded her head and placed it back on his shoulder. "Have you ever considered following his footsteps?"

"Not really," James shrugged. "I actually want to be an auror."

"Do you really?" Lily asked him, surprised. "But James, that's so dangerous!"

"I know my mum has already gone through this with me. But honestly Lils, I need to help defend all of these people from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. If I can help even a few people from having their families ripped apart it would all be with it."

"You know, sometimes you really surprise me," Lily admitted as she shook her head in amazement. Who would have ever thought that prankster extraordinaire James Potter would be able to make such a rational decision about something in life.

"Good, it keeps you on your feet. Try to get a couple more hours of sleep," James told her softly as he shut his eyes again and rubbed her arm as he let the serenity that encompassed him from having her in his arms lull him back into sleep. 

0c0c0c0c

"Who can tell me the correction spell for - Mr. Black if you do not stop making faces at me behind my back you will be scrubbing all of the floors in the potion rooms clean!" Professor Pint, the Charms professor snapped as he turned around from the blackboard, almost tipping over as the stack of books that he was standing on almost tipped over. 

"But those weren't at you Pint," Sirius protested as he straightened up from the slouch that he had been in, once again sitting in the front row of the class thanks to Lily. He would have never been caught if he was in the back row. Not that he really minded detention, but he had a date this weekend with Molly Simmons, and that was a date that he did not want to miss!

"Regardless Mr. Black," the small, slightly cubby professor snapped in his squeaky, high pitched voice as he straightened his black toupee that didn't even fit on the top of his overly large head. "They are a distraction."

"So is your tupe," James snorted from next to Sirius, causing Sirius to bite back a bark of laughter. 

"James!" Lily hissed from beside him as she swatted him on his arm. Hard. 

"Ow!" James hissed back as he looked over at his offended girlfriend, his eyes narrowed in confusion. "What did I do?"

'Don't talk about him that way!" she scolded.

"Are you finished interrupting me?" Professor Pint asked the three students with a raised eyebrow, though you couldn't tell that they were raised seeing as he always pushed his toupee so far down on his forehead that his eyebrows were already vanished under his fake hairline. 

"But I wasn't!" Sirius protested with a glare as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair.

"I'm going to take that as a yes, Mr. Black and if it happens again, that detention will have your name on it, am I understood?"

"Yes," he huffed. Waiting for the teacher to turn carefully back around towards the black board, Sirius leaned on the desk and looked at Lily. "You're going down Evans."

Lily looked up from the notes that she was taking and raised one delicately structured eyebrow at him. "Am I?" she whispered as to not attract the already irate professor's attention. 

"You're going down," he promised for a second time, causing James to smack him upside the head.

"You're not touching her," James told his best friend with a scowl. 

"If I get a detention, yes I will," Sirius swore with narrowed eyes. 

"Then stop talking you idiot and you won't get one," Lily snapped irritably. 

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but thought better of it at the last moment. 

James looked over at his girlfriend and smiled. Contrary to popular belief Lily and Sirius actually got along in some weird way. Sure they fought with each other every chance that they had, but they also had a sense of understanding in regards to each other. It was almost as if they were brother and sister. 

"Pay attention and stop looking at me like that," Lily hissed as she lightly elbowed James in the ribs to get him to pay attention to the teacher. 

Still smiling, James picked up his quill so that he could copy down Lily's notes. Not that she knew what he was doing of course. And it was not as if he could figure out what in the world her notes meant, but at least he was trying!

After what seemed like an eternity class was over. 

"I'm starving!" James whined as they walked out of the class room before everyone else. That was one of the compromises that they had made Lily accept. No staying after the bell to talk to professors. 

"I'm going outside for a little bit," Lily told him as she tried to take her book bag from his shoulder. 

"We can stop and get a plate of food. You don't need to be skipping meals," James told her with a frown. "We'll take it all outside and sit by the lake. 

"I'm not hungry," Lily protested as she was still trying to reach for her bag that was on the opposite shoulder than she was on, which made it a little hard to walk as she was half twisted in the opposite direction than her feet were in. 

"Lilybean looks like a pretzel," Sirius laughed.

"Shut up, Black," Lily snapped as she stopped trying to reach for the bag that James was not going to give her. "At least I can make myself into a pretzel."

"Can you really?" Sirius asked with a twinkle in his brown eyes as he looked from Lily to James as they entered the Great Hall.

"Yeah, I used to be able to at least," she shrugged as they walked over to their table, ignoring all of the looks that she was getting from the female population still. You would think that they would simply learn to let it go. 

"Hey James," one of the said girls drawled as she approached them. 

"Hey, Clorissa," James smiled as he picked up a late off of the table and started filling it full of food for Lily, knowing that she wouldn't eat enough if he let her do it. 

"So I heard that you guys were going to Hogsemeade this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to go have some fun?" she asked with a smirk, letting James know exactly what it was that she was talking about. 

"No he doesn't, he's already going with someone," Lily snapped at the raven-haired Hufflepuff. For being the loyal house there were some girls who were such sluts. 

"Oh, you, I suppose?" she laughed, her hazel eyes flashing at Lily.

"Yes, actually he is going with me. His girlfriend."

James looked from one girl to the other, then his friends with a pleading look. 

"Do you honestly think that you'll last?" Clorissa laughed. "Be serious, all James want's is in your pants."

"That is not true!" James finally said as he jumped into the conversation. 

"Whatever, let me know if you need some … release," she grinned as she turned around and walked back towards her table. 

"Lily," James said as he quickly turned around to face the now pissed off Lily. "I don't - it's not even like that with us."

"You know what James, she's right. Why don't you go have fun with some other girl," Lily sighed as she picked up an apple and walked away from him. She would get her books later. 

For once, James didn't follow her. And she wasn't so sure how she felt about that. The one time that he didn't follow her is when she told him to go out with another girl, yet on the other hand, all she really wanted to do was think by herself. Ever since the beginning of the year, everywhere she went, they all went. They would probably all even accompany her in the restroom if they could. 

And for someone who had never really hung out with many people at school it was hard for her to adjust to. Usually she did what she wanted without anyone following her around or distracting her or anything else. 

"Hey, Lily!" someone shouted from behind a tree, causing Lily to snap out of her thoughts and search lawns.

"Hey, Severus," she sighed. Just what she wanted someone to talk to. 

"I wanted to ask you, are you really dating Potter?"

Lily looked into the eyes of her friend and sighed. She hated men. She hated everything to do with them. They were complicated, they were idiots, and she could do without them. "We've been over this before, Sev, yes I am."

"Why, Lily, what does he have that I don't?" he demanded irritably. 

"Sev, I told you long ago that I'm not attracted to you like that. You're my friend, that's it."

"But what about that kiss?" he asked her.

Lily closed her eyes and wished for patience, of which she did not have a lot to begin with. "That was to prove something to myself. I'm sorry that I used you, but you were the first person that I saw."

"You did it to prove to Potter didn't you?"

"Yes."

"I see," was all that he said as he turned walked past her, his robes billowing out behind him as he returned to the castle. 

Sighing, Lily walked over to the trunk of the tree and sat with her back against it. "I'm really beginning to give up," she muttered to herself as she leaned her head against the bark and closed her eyes from the view that was in front of her. 

At this moment she couldn't help but think that her life would be easier if she didn't have anyone in it. 

"Maybe that's what I should do. I have enough on my mind as it is," she yawned as she started to fall asleep.

\/p> 


	9. Chapter 8

-1_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own the characters, names, places or anything else that you see that was written in the original books. However, from here on out, there will be a lot of 'facts' that are not in the book and are totally out of character. If the changes are not to your liking, I'm sorry, but with the Lily and James era all of the stories are to the same ending, and I like to change it up a little bit. _

_I hope you enjoy!_

_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 8**_

"Lily!" James yelled as he entered their common room. She hadn't been in the last two classes that they had, she wasn't on the grounds from what he saw as he scanned them on his way to the common room and she in the library. She was pissed at him, and he knew that but he was scared that she was going to do something drastic in her anger. And that he couldn't deal with. In his experience, when females were pissed at you, they didn't think rationally and would rather hurt you than talk to you.

"Lily!" he yelled again as he sprinted up the stairs to her room, frowning when he noticed that she wasn't in there either. Her bed was untouched, her book bag was lying in its neat pile on her arm chair, and nothing else was touched by her.

"Where are you," he groaned in frustration as he shut her door and walked to his room dejectedly so that he could get the Map and find out where his girlfriend was. Or at least he hoped that she was still his girlfriend.

He didn't get further from the door as he opened it to see Lily sitting on the edge of his bed, the picture that he had of her in her hand. "Why do you have a picture of me?" she asked him softly as she put it back from where she got it.

"Sirius gave it to me last Christmas as a gift," James said as he shoved his hands in his cloak pockets, not sure what to do, what kind of mood that she was in. She was too calm for him, and he didn't like the feeling that he was getting in the pit of his stomach.

"But why of me? Why not of something else?" she asked as she looked up into his eyes, frowning.

"Because I love you," he shrugged. "And Sirius knows that."

Sighing, Lily got up from his still unmade bed and laced her fingers together as she started to pace between the window and the bed. It still made her uneasy with way he could pronounce that he loved her. Like he knew without a doubt that she was it for him.

"James," she started as she reached up and rubbed her temples. "This isn't working for me. I have enough drama in my world without having to worry about girls wanting to date you, and me not lasting, or me losing my heart to you at some point."

James felt as if his heart had simply failed in his chest. How could she be saying this to him? "What do you mean Lily?"

"James, girls want you, and they hate me because I'm with you. I have enough on my plate right now simply trying to heal myself; I don't need to worry about what's going on behind my back."

"Do you honestly think that after all this time Lily that I would cheat on you?" James demanded angrily as he stormed into the room, slamming his door shut behind him and locking it so that she couldn't get away before he was done with her.

"Who knows James! I'm not going to have sex with you right now, and you're a guy, you need it. Or so I've heard Black say many of times," Lily told him with a shrug. "I don't know you well enough to know your personality James. This is going way to fast. And I finally realized that I can't depend on anyone to make my dreams go away, I can't expect someone to heal me. It's something that I have to do myself, and I need time to do that."

"But Lily," James swallowed. He had always had the words before, but now that it matters more than anything else, he didn't have them. "Why? I love you; I want to be there for you."

"Because James, how am I to stand on my own two feet if you're always there to make sure that I don't fall in the first place!" Lily yelled back, her green eyes flashing with her anger.

"That's what loving someone means Lily! Being there to make sure that they don't fall!" James yelled back as he grabbed her shoulders as she tried to turn away from him.

"I'm sorry, but I don't love you James, so I can't understand your reasoning."

"I don't care if you don't love me, I can make you, but I need you Lily. You might not need me, but I need you."

Lily looked at James and felt like screaming. "You don't need me," Lily said calmly even though she wanted to scream. "James, if you're with me, you're liable to be killed. I'm one of the targets that Voldermort is after because of my skills with spells. And you can't - I can't. No one else can die because of me. I'm sorry, but that's the way that it is. I'm not going to let anyone else die because of me simply because I depend on them." she said softly. She had vowed to never tell anyone why her parents died, not wanting to believe it herself, but she had to make him understand why she couldn't be with him. Why it was impossible to stay with him.

"Lily, I don't care. As long as I know that I've had this time with you, that's all that matters to me," James told her softly as he moved his hands from her shoulders to her cheeks, making sure that her eyes were on his. He was surprised however to see that tears were shinning in her eyes, making her eyes literally sparkle like emeralds.

"You don't get it James. I would be left alive, and I can't deal with letting someone else that I care about die and me still live. I'm not as strong as so many people seem to think that I am. I'm sorry but you can't change my mind," she said softly as she broke out of his arms and walked towards the door, leaving him behind her in the same spot as she walked out of the door.

As soon as the door shut Lily heard a loud shattering noise, causing her to jump in surprise as she turned around to look at the closed door, trying to figure out if she should make sure he was okay. She had never broken up with anyone before, so she didn't know what the procedure was.

Deciding that if he truly was mad, he wouldn't want to see her, Lily walked towards her room, furiously wiping the tears that she hadn't even known that was coming out of her eyes.

"If it was the right thing to do, why does it hurt so much?" she asked herself as she let herself into her room and simply slid down to the floor, her back against the door as she leaned her head on her knees and let the tears fall.

"Mom, I've never needed your advice more than I do now."

0c0c0c

Later that night Lily was walking around the shore of the lake, trying to assure herself that she had made the right decision in breaking up with James. He wouldn't even look at her now. Never in her whole time knowing him had James not looked at her or smiled or glared, or something.

She felt as if nothing was going to be normal again in her life.

As she was thinking this, Lily suddenly felt a sharp pain in her head, focusing on her temples that caused her to fall to her knees.

Suddenly she saw visions of people in black marching into a house - the Minister's house. They kicked in the door when spells wouldn't work. As soon as they made their way through the door, they started their search for the occupants or an item, who knew.

"_Where are they?"_ a voice hissed into Lily's head, causing her to go stiff. She knew that voice. It haunted her nightly.

"_They're not here, Master,"_ one of the hooded figures answered in fear.

Suddenly Lily's mind was blank again, causing Lily to fall back onto the sand as her body became weak from the experience. James, she thought as her eyes widened as the information processed in her mind.

Getting up, Lily made sure that she wasn't going to fall before she ran for the castle.

"James!" she yelled as she burst into the Great Hall where dinner was almost over.

"James!" she yelled again when he didn't answer. Looking around the hall wildly, ignoring the shocked glares from the other occupants, Lily stormed up to James and hit him upside the head.

"When someone runs into the room screaming for you like a manic answer them! It's your parents James, he's after them," Lily panted, still a little out of breath from her two mile run.

"What are you talking about Lily?" James frowned as he finally turned around to look at her.

"I saw it, I've had these weird vision things that are connected to things that Voldermort has or is doing, and he just broke into the Minister of Magic's house. Your house. And he's looking for your parents," Lily told him with wide eyes, her hands clutching his sleeves in desperation. "Please believe me."

"What are you talking about?" James asked slowly, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Lily.

"Contact your parents James; I can't let this happen to someone else that I know. Make sure that they're okay. Tell them to be safe, please James. Please! I know that you're not happy with me, and you don't want to see me, but make sure that they're okay," she begged, her green eyes wide with worry.

"My-they-danger?" James stuttered in shock as he stared at Lily blankly.

"I don't know where they are James, but make sure that you contact them. Now!"

"I- I'll do it," Sirius said in a small voice as he got up from the table, his face pale as he walked towards the door so that he could go to one of the fireplaces to get a hold of the family.

"Lily, how could you see this?" Remus asked as he ran a hand through his sandy blonde hair.

"I don't know, I didn't want any of this, but I do. And it's not something that I want."

"Did they get them?" James asked softly, his eyes scared to look into Lily's, not wanting to see the answer there.

"No, they weren't home," Lily told him with a shake of her head, her red hair getting into her face.

"James tonight was the annual ball," Remus said suddenly with a smile. "My parents are there too. Along with eighty percent of the aurors in Britain."

"Thank Merlin," James sighed, his body sagging from his relief. "They're not dead."

"James, do me a favor," Lily said softly as tears fell down her face. "Don't let them die, okay?"

"They're not going to die, Lily. Thank you."

Lily nodded her head and let go of his sleeves that she still had in a death grip. "You're welcome," she said as she turned around and stiffly walked out of the Great Hall.

Not only were her parents dead, but now James' parents were in trouble. Question was, was it because Harold Potter was the Minister of Magic, or is it because this brain wave link that she had with Voldermort able to work both ways?

Thinking about the possibilities, Lily didn't even notice the smirking blonde in front of her until she almost tripped into him.

"Tisk, tisk, mudblood, you should watch where you are walking. I don't appreciate having my robes dirtied," he snickered as he fingered the wand that was still in his hands, his smirk firmly in place as his sliver eyes took in her appearance.

"Malfoy, if I was you I would really shut my big, fat, worthless mouth right now," Lily growled as her fingers started to clench in anger.

"Such a mouth on you. But who would think better of a mud blood."

"That is fucking _it _Malfoy!" Lily yelled as she held out both hands palm out towards Malfoy's body. Lily pictured the blonde withering on the floor, gasping for pain - a pain that no one could even begin to comprehend, one that no one could help with, and with a few choice words, it happened.

"Miss Evans!" Professor McGonagall shouted as she ran into the hallway from the Great Hall, followed by James, Remus, Peter and the three Ravenclaw's that had been left eating dinner. "Release him from this spell at once!"

"I warned you Malfoy," Lily growled, not even hearing the professor as she tried to get past the shield that erected around them. "You would get yours for what you did to my family, for what you've done to every other family you fucking Death Eater. And for what you tried to do to the Potter's. You deserve every cry of pain that you have. Because what you are feeling is every single tiny bit of pain that you have inflicted on everyone that you have ever killed, hurt or abused. If you had been the model wizard you claim to be, you would have felt nothing," she spat, her green eyes small shards in her otherwise white eyes.

"Lily Evans!" Professor Dumbledore yelled as he tried to get into the protective shield that was erected around the students.

Lily looked over and saw the two Professors with their wands out, trying to get in and snapped her head towards Malfoy. "You win once again you worthless scumbag," she spat as she raised her hands and let everyone in.

"Protect your little board of trustee student, but there will be a time when you won't be able to get to him," Lily warned as she walked away, her head held high.

"Miss Evans if you think that -" Professor McGonagall shrieked, only to be interrupted by Dumbledore who held up his hand to silence her.

"Let her be. We're lucky that she didn't kill him," he said softly, his usually twinkling blue eyes flat as he looked around the few students that were still standing around, shocked at the power that their Head Girl just performed.

"Mr. Potter, please go make sure that Miss Evans does no other harm. Mr. Lupin, please go to Madame Pomfery and have her ready a bed. The rest of you, please go to your dorms," he instructed with a glance over the group of students.

James nodded his head and went after where he thought that Lily was going. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. Sure, she had told him that she was capable of things that most couldn't even dream of, but he had thought that she was joking. Not even He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named could do this sort of magic. She didn't even have to use a real spell. She just had to imagine it, and it was done.

"Lily?" James called out as he entered a room that Lily had told him was her sanctuary a couple of weeks ago. It had dark blue marble floors, three floor to ceiling windows, and a large grand piano in the center of it all.

Which is where Lily was, her fingers flying over the pearl keys as she played a deep, dark and depressing sound coming out of the shinning black instrument.

To say that she had talent was an understatement. She was phenomenal as she was at most things that she tried to do. Unless it came to sports. There was no way that she would ever be able to achieve any sort of talent in sports. And cooking which had amused him at the time. Her mother was a leading chef in the muggle world, she could brew potions to perfection, but she forgot when she was boiling water. What were the odds.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him, not taking her eyes off of the keys as she continued to play whatever notes came to mind.

"Professor Dumbledore was worried about you and sent me to follow you," James told her as he walked further into the room.

"Do you play?" she asked as she stopped playing and looked up at him, her pale cheeks wet with tears.

"Not as well as you."

"Sit, play," she told him as she scooted over on the bench.

"Is that why you broke up with me?" James asked as he played a soft melody that made Lily think of those summer nights that she read about where people slowly fall head first into love.

"James, what I'm capable of isn't easily controlled," Lily sighed. "He made me so mad that I just couldn't stop it. I almost killed him right then and there."

"I know, Lily, but I know that you would never do it for evil. You would do it to protect. And if Malfoy had anything to do with what went on at my house he deserves it," James told her vehemently.

"I don't know what to do James, about anything. I have these visions in my head. And I don't know if he can see what I'm doing on my side. I'm scared that I'm giving information without knowing," she said as she swallowed the tears that wanted to fall.

"Isn't there a test that you could do or something?" James asked her as he stopped playing so that he could look at her.

"The only thing that I could do is set it all up and see what he does. But then again, I just said what I think should be done, so how could it be possible," Lily shrugged with a hopeless look in her eyes.

"Have you talked to Dumbledore about this?"

"No. I don't know if he'd believe me, and I don't really want people knowing," Lily told him, not comfortable with the conversation.

"Why not?"

"Because James, this isn't normal. Even for the wizarding world."

James looked at Lily and felt his start beating irregularly in his chest. Regardless of what had happened earlier that day, he found that all he wanted to do was reassure her that it would be okay. All he wanted to do was take the broken, defeated look out of her eyes and make it all better.

And that regardless of how difficult that she was making it for him, all he wanted to do was be in her life and love her. It didn't matter how, as long as he could.

"What do you say to being friends?" James asked suddenly, shocking both himself and Lily.

Lily looked at the outstretched hand and smiled. "Friends," she said in a small voice as she took his hand and lightly grasped it, surprised when he brought it to his lips.

If she couldn't have him as a boyfriend, she could definitely use him as a friend. She was tired of being alone. Of dealing with all of this without someone to talk to. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she opened herself up to friends.


	10. Chapter 9

-1_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 8**_

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore sighed as he sat behind his desk and folded his hands over a large book that was laid on the top, his blue eyes no longer twinkling at her. "I need you to tell me everything that you saw."

"Can we simply wait until James get's here with his parents?" Lily asked as she played with a piece of her long auburn hair.

"They're walking up the stairs right now, if I'm correct," Dumbledore told her with a small smile just as the door opened and James walked in followed by an older version of him. Harold Potter could easily be passed off as an older brother to James. He had nary a gray strand in his messy black hair that he must have passed on to his son and minimal wrinkles around his eyes. He was a very handsome man.

And the woman behind him had to be one of the most elegant, beautiful people Lily had ever met. She had long, dark brown hair that cascaded down her back in perfect waves. Her blue eyes were a dark blue that was a contrast to her perfectly white skin, not a blemish showing. In an odd offset to the picture though, Nichole Potter was wearing a pair of ragged dark blue pants and an oversized shirt that looked as if it could be her husbands. No one had ever seen the Minister's wife so laid back and out of her elegant, ordered clothes.

"You must be Lily," Nichole smiled as she noticed the red headed girl sitting in one of the large overstuffed purple chairs. "I'm so happy to finally meet the girl that James has been talking about for so long!"

Lily blinked in confusion as she felt the older woman's arms wrap around her body.

"Mom," James said softly as he walked over to a chair and sat down. Leave it to his parents to embarrass him. Not that she didn't already know that he was in love with her and had been for a long time, but there was just something about hearing your parents say it out loud - especially to the girl that you like, that made it so embarrassing.

"James," Harold laughed as he shut the door and walked over to sit next to his wife, taking her small hand in his much larger one. "Let your mother have her fun."

"You wouldn't be saying the same thing if Grandma was doing it to you," he muttered quietly as he slumped down in his chair, ignoring Lily's questioning look.

"Now Miss Evans, since everyone is now present, I believe that you have a story to tell," Dumbledore announced as he peered over the top of his crescent shaped glasses.

Lily sighed and dragged her hand through her hair as she gathered her thoughts. "I was down by the lake thinking about things when all of a sudden this pain speared through my head. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground and it feels as if I was transported somewhere else somehow. I'm standing in front of this door - a door that everyone knows," Lily said as she shut her eyes to better imagine the scene. "I was in front of the Potter's door. I hear a voice in my head - one that everyone knows. He's telling someone - the Death Eaters, to open the door. I feel his triumph when they finally get through all of the spells locking the house. He's thinking, _I'm going to get them, I'm going to show them what happens when you stand up against me."_

James looked over at Lily with wide eyes, his heart beating frantically in his chest. She saw and heard all of this. She truly did have some kind of link with the darkest wizard to roam the Earth in ages.

"Yet when they go through the house, no one's there. Not even a House Elf. I can't even describe the amount of anger that was in him at this moment. It felt as if his whole body was shaking with rage. And through it all, I hear one voice. The same voice I heard at my parents' house," she murmured as she opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling, avoiding the pitying eyes that were around her.

"Oh, Lily dear," Nichole Potter gasped, tears in her eyes for the young girl who had already suffered so much in the year. Now to be plagued by thoughts of Voldermort was horrible.

"It's okay," Lily said, not looking from the ceiling.

"No, it's not dear. You've had a hard enough year as it is," Nichole argued as she let go of her husbands hand and pulled the girl into her arms in a hug.

Lily blinked in surprise as she lightly returned the hug, frowning when she noticed the Minister's grin.

"Nikki honey, I think that you're scaring the poor girl," Harold laughed as he patted his wife's back.

"You come home with James during Easter break and spend the time with us," Nichole demanded in a soft tone as she pulled away from Lily. "It'll be nice having another female in the house for once."

James frowned at his mother, not trusting what she was up to. "I thought that you hated female companionship - you always complain about those lady luncheons that you go to," he said skeptically.

"That's because they're all stuffy old women with nothing to do with their lives," Nichole said, waving away his concern.

"I don't know Mrs. Potter, I wouldn't want to put you guys out or anything," Lily said nervously.

Before she could reply, Dumbledore cleared his throat, causing everyone to look at him questioningly.

"I suggest that we argue on this fact a little later. More importantly, we need to figure out what Miss Evans' connection to Voldermort is."

"You're right," Mr. Potter nodded as he laced his fingers together and rested his chin on them.

"Is this the first time that you've experienced this Miss Evans?" Dumbledore asked her.

Lily nodded her head as she played with the hem of her standard black knee length school skirt.

"Have you ever had the feeling that someone was watching you? That someone was in your mind?" he asked her.

Lily shook her head. She didn't know why but she felt as if she was six years old and being questioned on who broke great-grandma's prized vase.

"Are you sure about this?" Mr. Potter asked his eyes intense as he stared at the nervous seventeen year old.

"Yes. I would know if someone was in my mind - I've never felt that veil like feeling when someone enters your mind," Lily answered, now staring at her feet as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"I need to shine my shoes," she said softly, not realizing that she said it out loud until she looked up and noticed that everyone was staring at her like she was crazy.

"Oops," she grimaced.

"Oh, James, I'm so glad that it's someone that I could love myself," Nichole laughed as she ran a hand down the long length of Lily's hair.

"Uh," Lily stuttered, unable to believe what she just heard from his mother's mouth.

"Mom!" James yelped, his blue eyes wide, and his cheeks a soft pink as he pushed his glasses up his straight nose.

"What it's true! And there's no need to be nervous dear, I know that we're a crazy bunch but we're fun," Nichole tried to reassure Lily with a grin, not realizing why she looked so nervous.

"Mom, please," James pleaded, looking to his Dad for help. "Dad."

"Nikki, leave the poor girl alone," Harold chuckled as he started to feel sorry for his son.

"What? Lily am I bugging you?" Nichole asked with a frown as she looked from her husband to Lily, finally noticing the look on the poor girls face. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"It's okay," Lily mumbled as she tried to will the blush out of her cheeks.

"What about me!" James wanted to know, causing everyone to look at him. "I was embarrassed too! But does anyone say sorry to me? Ever… no!"

"You don't need people apologizing to you," Lily told him with a pat on the arm. "It'd just go to your head."

Nichole looked at Lily and laughed. "I really do like you," she said with a grin.

Lily blushed again, looking down at her lap. She had forgotten that they were there for a couple of seconds. She was so used to not thinking about what she said to James that it had just come out of her mouth.

"See the abuse I get at home and at school!" James huffed, looking at Dumbledore with a depressed look. "I'm not appreciated."

Dumbledore chuckled and shook his head, his long white hair staying in place still. "I suggest that you are careful with your thoughts until we know if the same connection is on his side."

"Yes, sir," Lily nodded, knowing that this was coming.

"And Miss Evans, no more incidents like the one with Mr. Malfoy, okay?" Dumbledore asked her with inquiring eyes.

Lily couldn't help but feel as if she had been betrayed by the last person that she had trusted. He knew that she had no control over it. Why else would she have taken millions of anger management classes when she was home? Why would she have asked Dumbledore for a specially made room for her so that she could cool down when she got pissed off.

"Yeah," she snapped as she stood up suddenly and pushed the chair back with enough force to push the chair back a couple of feet. "It's not like I can control what I have. But you know what, so that you can save your face, yeah, I'll watch my powers that I haven't been able to control since I've gotten them. No problem!" she snapped as she stormed across the room and out of the door.

"Lily!" James yelled as he raced out of the room after her. This was becoming a regular scene with him running after her lately.

"Lily wait up! I don't run very well!" Nichole panted as she tried to run after the young girl.

"Why is it always my fault!" Lily screamed as she suddenly stopped, causing James who was only a couple of feet behind her to almost run her over in the middle of the damp hallway.

"What?" James asked her as he tried to catch his breath. Who knew that such a little thing could run so well.

"It's always my fault! My parents are killed in front of my eyes, and it's my fault! I'm not a pureblood witch yet I have all of this power, and it's my fault!" she screamed, ignoring the shocked look on Nichole's face as she came to a stop behind her son.

"I get taunted and teased ruthlessly by the blonde git and his moron friends and finally it's too much for me," she said, a hitch in her voice that caused Nichole to automatically walk over to her and envelope her in her arms. "So I finally decide to show him how weak I am, and it's my fault."

"It's okay sweetheart," Nichole tried to soothe, rubbing her back gently. "It's not your fault; they just need someone to blame it all on."

"But why me?" Lily asked as she lifted her head from Nichole's shoulder- which was exactly her height, and looked at her with shinning green eyes.

"Because they think that you're weak," Nichole answered, feeling her heart break at the broken look on Lily's face. She looked as if she had lost everything that had ever been important to her - yet she had if you thought about it. Her family had been destroyed.

"But I am," Lily cried as she laid her head back down on Nichole's shoulder, not noticing when James came behind her and started rubbing her head like he would usually do when they were in bed trying to go to sleep.

The motion usually made her calm down, but it felt as if nothing at that moment was going to help her. It was almost as if she had fell into a pit of depression and nothing was going to grab her out of the dark - again. Every time it started to get better the next day it seemed like she was at square one again.

"Come on," Nichole ushered as she noticed people started to walk through the hallway. Classes must have been ready to start and she didn't want Lily to be the center of attention. "Let's find somewhere private," she said with a suggestive look at her husband who was standing off to the side.

"Right - Room of Requirement, or the Head's dorms?" Harold asked.

"Our dorms are closer," James suggested as he backed away from his Mom and Lily and sighed. He was starting to feel a tension headache forming behind his eyes. It wasn't right that someone who was so small and fragile could have so much going wrong in her life. Someone as beautiful inside as she was outside had such a shitty life while he had everything that he could ever want handed to him… well besides the girl, but regardless.

"James," Nichole whispered as she nodded towards Lily who was still in her arms, too scared to let go.

James bit his lip to keep from screaming at someone for breaking her to the point where she was starving for any contact as he bent and scooped her light body in his arms and cradled her close to his chest.

There had to be something that he could do for her. Something that he could do that would make it all right, because he honestly didn't know how much more of this that he could take. Seeing her this hurt, this shattered was tearing him in pieces. It didn't matter if he wasn't her boyfriend or not, he had to help her, he had to make everything right in her life-even if he died doing it.

..0.0.

Hours later Lily was in bed sleeping peacefully thanks to the sleeping potion that Harold had slipped into her drink, and all three of the Potter's were in the common room sitting around the fire in silence.

His father had cancelled all of his meetings for the day to help his son through his obvious discomfort and feeling of helplessness.

"I have to figure out something to do," James said suddenly, breaking the silence that had been around the room ever since he had carried Lily up to her bed thirty minutes ago.

"She needs to see something stable in her life. Something that isn't going to change," Nichole agreed with him. "And you're just the person to do that James. Don't think that she's going to be better over night, because it's not going to happen, but just be there, show her that someone is going to be there for when she falls."

James looked at his mom and nodded, his blue eyes looking deep into hers to see if she was trying to tell him something subconsciously. "It's just so hard to sit here and wait for it to happen," he told her with a shake of his head as he looked around the room. Lily demanded that he put everything in its place, so it was defiantly cleaner than his room. Every book lay in its place, every chair faced the right way. To say that Lily was crazy was an understatement.

"I want her to come home with you James - I don't care what you have to do to get her to the house, but I don't want her to stay here alone," Nichole demanded, showing the stubbornness that James had inherited from her. It was a trait that many were shocked to see.

"Don't worry I'll drug her if I have to," James smiled. "I have the law on my side."

"Hey don't put me in this!" Harold laughed as he ran his hands through his thick messy black hair, his eyes twinkling as the faint lines next to his eyes deepened with the smile.

"Come on Dad, you wouldn't convict me, now would you?" James asked as he tried to flutter his eyelashes the way his mother did to get her way.

"That is just wrong and disturbing," Sirius laughed as he walked into the room as he always did, as if he owned it.

"Like you don't try it," James shot back as he hit Sirius on his arm when he got close enough.

"Yes, but I don't look like an idiot when I do it - and I get my way," he smirked as he walked over to Nichole and kissed her cheek. "Hi, Mom."

"Have you been staying out of trouble?" she demanded as she hugged him and ruffled his hair lovingly. It didn't matter that she didn't carry this boy for nine months; all that mattered was that she loved him just as much as she loved her own son.

"Always," he smirked as he took in the flowery scent that she always wore.

"And how about the female hearts?" Harold laughed as he clapped the boy on the back.

"Broke far and wide."

"That's my boy," Harold grinned, then cleared his throat as he noticed his wife's glare. "What I mean, is be careful."

"Right," Sirius agreed, still smirking as he sat down on the arm of the chair that Nichole was in. "So what are we talking about?"

"Lily," James said automatically.

"How is the little bean?" Sirius asked, having been worried about the girl since she had ran into the Great Hall a couple of days ago announcing that the Potter's were in trouble.

"Sleeping, but not good right now," James sighed as he slumped back down on the couch and took his glasses off so that he could rub his eyes in frustration.

"What's up?" Sirius asked as he walked over and sat next to James, shifting on the couch so that he could look at him in the eyes. His best friend didn't look good. There were bags under his eyes that were never usually there, his hair looked like it had withstood a hurricane, and his face was taut with stress.

You could tell that he was worried for Lily's health, but who was worried that he wasn't sleeping at night?

"She … I don't even know how to explain it," James sighed as he opened his eyes and looked at his best friend. He was dressed up in a pair of dark blue pants and a white button up that was rolled up to his sleeves. His hair was carefully styled in a way that James knew that there was a date planned soon.

"She's depressed and close to being suicidal," Nichole said calmly, yet her eyes were stormy at the thought. "All because of a maniacal, psychopathic, blood thirsty bully!"

All three boys looked at her with gaping mouths. It wasn't often that she couldn't come up with insults that stung. Only when she was extremely mad did her tongue get so tangled that she couldn't figure out what to say.

"What?" she shrugged. "He pisses me off. Who the hell does he think that he is? He's no better than anyone else who was born."

"Calm down, we didn't say differently," Harold told her as he checked his watch.

"I take it's time to go?" Nichole asked, noticing him checking the time.

"It's almost curfew for the boys if I remember right," he told her with a knowing look towards the boys.

"Okay," Nichole sighed as she got up and brushed off the seat of her pants in habit. "Give me hugs," she demanded as she walked over to Sirius.

Releasing Sirius, Nichole reached for James. "Stay strong and be there for her."

"Thank you, Mom, I love you," James told her as he hugged her tight. Regardless if it was cool for guys his age to be attached to their mother's or not, James didn't know what he'd do without her in his life. She was one of his best friends.

"You boys behave," Harold said as he slung his arm around his wife's slender shoulders and started to usher her towards the door.

"We will be the best we could be," Sirius promised with a smirk and a wink, knowing that Harold knew what went on behind closed doors in the school.

Harold simply snorted as he dodged his wife's questions on the meaning of that.

Waiting until the door shut, Sirius turned towards James. "So what are we doing about this problem?" he asked with a serious look on his face that was rarely there.

James sighed. He knew that his friends would always be there for him when he needed them, but there was simply nothing that he could figure out to do for her.

"I have to keep an eye on her Sirius. Make sure that she doesn't do anything to herself."

"You'll have my help," he told him solemnly.

"I know mate, I know." James sighed as he ran his hands through his hair.

"So who's the lucky girl tonight?" James asked with a smirk.

"Elaine Singleton," Sirius said with a satisfied smirk. "And she's going to be worth the chase mate."

"Nice," James nodded with a grin. "Nice rack."

"I'm off to pick her up then," Sirius smiled. "You know how to get a hold of me if you need me."

"Thanks."

Watching Sirius walk out of the room, James couldn't help but be grateful that he had such great friends. He couldn't imagine how Lily had gotten so far in her life without the kind of companionship that he felt with his friends. He would have gone mental long ago.

They were always there when he needed them. And Lily… well it was time that Lily realized that she had the same thing in him.


	11. Chapter 10

_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 10**_

"Do you know that this is called kidnapping?" Lily asked for the millionth time as they stepped off of the Hogwarts Express for Easter Holiday vacation.

"No it's not, you got on the train without force," James smirked as he grabbed her small arm and steered her towards the floo network fireplaces so that they could get to his house. His parents were out at a meeting for the night so there was no one to pick him up seeing as he hardly ever came home over such a short break.

"No, instead you simply picked me up, made my trunk follow and sat on me until the train started to move," Lily pointed out as the followed him through the oddly close to empty platform.

"I picked you up because I felt as if your feet had done enough walking, and I couldn't very well carry the trunks and you at the same time! And I sat on you because I'm so attracted to you that my body is simply drawn to yours like a magnet."

"Uh-huh, whatever," Lily laughed as he drew her into the huge fireplace along with their trunks.

"Oceanside Mansion," James announced as he took a handful of green powder and threw it onto the bare stone floor.

"Wha-?" Lily started to ask as James held onto her and they started to twirl around in circles, passing room after room that you had barely a glance of until suddenly they came to a bone jarring stop, causing Lily to stumble into James' ready arms.

Lily looked up into James' eyes and felt the same tightening in her stomach that had been making itself known for the past three weeks every time James merely looked at her. When he touched her was a whole different story. It was as if her entire body was engulfed in flames, as it felt right now.

"Sorry," James said, steadying her body as he slowly backed up, not wanting her to feel the effect that she had on him every time she was close. Right now they were only supposed to be friends, that's it. Friends didn't show other friends their lust for each other.

"It's okay," Lily said her voice barely over a whisper as James pulled away from her. Just as James pulled away from Lily they heard a whoosh! From about their heads.

"Oh, no," James groaned as he hurriedly pulled Lily back into his arms and ducked his head.

"Ouch!" the three of the screamed all at once as they landed on the hard, unforgiving stone floor, Lily on the bottom of the pile.

"Get off, get off, get off!" she groaned as she struggled to breathe. Being under two growing teenage boys was not the easiest place to breathe. "Please get off of me."

"You left me!" Sirius announced as he scrambled off of James so that Lily.

"Uh, I didn't know that I was supposed to wait for you," Lily said as she rolled out of the fireplace and sat next to it on the black shag carpet.

"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to him," he snapped, glaring at James as he stepped out from the fireplace, looking ashamed.

"I'm sorry, mate, I forgot," James said, looking at Sirius apologetically as he sat down on the blue couch, side stepping the glass table.

"Forgot? We've only been doing the same thing for the past seven years James! Then suddenly Evans over here is in the picture," Sirius yelled, storming away from the fireplace as he pointed at Lily, who was leaning against the wall looking at him with wide green eyes.

"Watch it Sirius," James growled as he stood up and faced off his best friend.

"No, James, she comes into the picture and you forget about everyone else. You don't let us help you with your problems, you rarely hang out with us alone, and you forgot to wait for me!" Sirius screamed, pushing his long black hair behind his ear furiously.

"I didn't mean to forget you Sirius!" James yelled back, stepping closer to Sirius. "And I'm sorry if I'm not around you all the time any more, but have you ever considered that if I left Lily alone she has no friends to go to?"

"That's not my problem! My problem is that my supposed best friend deserted me!"

"I didn't desert you, I asked you to go along with everything."

"Who wants to go along with someone and their girlfriend?" Sirius asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Why, I do it with you and yours all the time!" James shouted back, neither of them noticing as Lily slipped past them and out the room, searching for a way out.

"But it's not like I'm in love with them."

"So what, your true problem is that I love Lily and you don't love any of the girls that you dated? That is so … dumb!" James shouted, coming close to hitting him out of anger.

"No, this friendship is done. And over with," Sirius spat in his face, his brown eyes cold as he glared at him.

Suddenly a loud scream sounded through the hallway, causing James to snap his head towards the doorway, his eyes scanning the room for Lily. "Where's Lily?" he asked as he ran for the door.

"Hell if I know," Sirius shrugged as he followed his friend at a slower pace, still pissed off.

"Lily!" James screamed as he tried to figure out where to run. Not hearing anything James turned towards Sirius and sighed.

"I know that you completely hate me right now, but she's never been in a wizard house before. Will you please go that way and look for her?"

Seeing how scared he was for the red head, Sirius sighed and headed down the west wing of the house, looking for anywhere that Lily might be hidden.

"Evans!" he screamed as he reluctantly started opening doors and looking in.

"What do you want from me?" Lily snapped as she turned from the window that she had been at, staring at the rose garden that was Nichole's prized possession.

"Listen, I don't know why you ran away, but James is really scared for you, so go get the guy out of his misery," Sirius sighed as he leaned against the doorjamb so that he could follow her so she wouldn't get lost.

"I'm sorry that I've taken James away from you," Lily sighed as she stayed where she was. She felt horrible for coming between James and his best friend. Just because she had never had a best friend didn't mean that she couldn't understand how hard this was on James. And she was the cause. After everything that he had done for her, she didn't want to come between him and his friends.

"That's something for James and me to talk about, not you and me," Sirius told her with a roll of his eyes.

"Yes, but I'm at some fault here too, because I didn't take into consideration that he might have other plans made with other people. I'm sorry, I'm not used to friends, so I didn't take into any consideration anything like that," Lily told him, looking as if she was ready to cry.

"Don't," Sirius groaned as he looked at the ceiling. He was a sucker for a girl who cried. How could he stand around and not try to make the horrible tears go away?

"I'm sorry. Really I am," Lily said as she looked at him with those emerald green eyes that were close to shedding tears.

"Just don't cry. I will do anything if you just don't cry," Sirius said in a reverent tone.

"Sorry," Lily sniffed as she turned her back on Sirius. "It comes easy to me. I'm such a baby sometimes," she said and gave a weak laugh.

"Please don't hate James, Black, hate me. I don't know if he could go far if you hated him."

"I don't hate him," Sirius sighed as he came into the room, crossing the floor so that he stood next to her. "I'm pissed at him. That's a big difference."

"He doesn't deserve it. I know that to you he might, but from the way I'm looking at it, he doesn't deserve it. He's done so much for me, and I feel horrible if he gets repaid by his best friend and he being at odds." She told him with a wounded look on her face. "You don't understand what he's done for me Sirius. I don't think that anyone could know what he's done for me."

"Evans, just know that you can trust us as much as you can trust James. We won't let you get hurt again," Sirius told her as he laid a hand on her shoulder in a sign of friendship.

"You can't promise that," she said with a shake of her head, her hair falling over her shoulder with that movement. "But I appreciate the thought."

"Evans, you have my best friend's heart in your tiny hands. You better rest assured that I will stand in front of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for you so that he doesn't get hurt," Sirius told her solemnly.

"No, no one will stand in front of me and him, because I'm going to find a way to kill him myself for what he's done to my family," she said harshly as she continued to watch a colorful butterfly go from flower to flower, attracted by all of the different colors of the flowers.

"Give us a chance," Sirius sighed, figuring that there was going to be no middle ground with this girl.

"Thank you," she smiled up at him over her shoulder.

That was what James saw as he entered the room. His best friend with his hand on Lily's shoulder and her smiling up at him with that smile that made his legs go weak at the knees.

"What's going on in here?" he asked suspiciously as he copied the pose that Sirius was in when he first found Lily, crossing one jean clad leg over the other as he looked from one person to the next.

"Black was offering me his friendship," Lily smiled again. "I've never really had friends before."

James relaxed at the words and gave a nod of thanks to his best friend. For being such a prat he could also be one of the greatest people that he knew. And if you were Sirius' friend, then you could rest assured that he would take care of you when you were in trouble. That was the thing about Sirius, he was the loyalist person you knew, and would do anything for those he considered to be in his little circle.

"What do you say to some food?" Sirius asked as he rubbed his hands together. "I bet that minky has some out already."

"Mashed potatoes," James grinned as his blue eyes light up in excitement. "Come on, Lily, we men have to eat. And you pigeon's have to also."

Lily glared at James as he walked in grabbed her hand and started dragging her behind him towards what she assumed was the kitchen.

"I'm not a pigeon," she told him in a flat tone as she almost tripped over a rug in the hallway.

"She's right you know," Sirius told James as he followed, causing Lily to cast him a grateful smile. "She's a skeleton."

Her smile easily turned into a glare, causing him to laugh.

.0.

Later that night Lily lay in an unfamiliar bed staring at the ceiling. It had been nice to feel as if she was in a family again, but at the same time it had made her miss what she had.

In many ways the Potter's had reminded her of her own family. The loud, boisterous dinner, the way that everyone had some kind of opinion to add on to 

something, even the cooking. She had a feeling that they all had gone out to make her feel welcome, but she appreciated it. And Nichole was a great and beautiful person. She only hopped that she could be like that for James.

At that though Lily sat up in bed, eyes wide with shock. She hopped that she could be a great and beautiful person to James? Where did that thought come from? She only liked him as a friend, so what did it matter?

_As a friend, who are you kidding? Every time you see him looking at you all you're thinking about it what he would do if you were to go over there and kiss him brainless!_

No I don't, she argued with herself as she lay back down and crossed her arms over her chest.

_Yes you do. And what about those dreams you've been having about him and you in the.._

Okay! Okay! No need to revisit those memories, Lily groaned as she moved one of her arms and covered her eyes in desperation. She couldn't like James like that. It would only lead to heartache and sorrow.

_But you can't help who you like and don't like…and you more than like James._

"Who the hell made up the conscious anyways? It's a worthless waste of the brain," Lily huffed as she tried to ignore the internal debate she had going on.

_Hey I object!_

"Shut up…I'm not even supposed to be talking to you…Only crazy people do that…and what do you know, I'm still talking to myself," Lily sighed. "I just need to go to sleep."

_You do that you crazy old lady._

Glaring at nothing in particular, Lily turned on her side and tried to fall asleep.

The last thing she thought about before her mind finally closed off for the night was what it'd be like to have James kiss her again. The feeling of his lips brushing against hers, his hands on her body.

…She had good dreams that night.

_**.0.0.0**_

_**Authors Notes:**_

_**Sorry it took so long!! But here you go…it's kind of a transitional chapter, but the next one will have a lot more going on. And not only that, I realized that for the first time in one of my stories, I really didn't have Sirius in it! He's one of the best characters to have to add humor to a situation, let me tell you! Lol. **_

__

_**Anyways, I'm finally done with finals, so I'll be all yours until August….well outside of work, but that's more time than I had. **_

_**Hope you enjoyed, and please review!**_

_**Mistress del Mare**_


	12. Chapter 11

_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 11**_

The next morning Lily had a hard time looking at James without breaking out in a full on bright red blush. He had done things to her in her dreams last night that she had never dreamed was even possible.

And James had noticed the ever present red on her cheeks and had tried to get it out of her but she thought that it'd be best for her to keep her mouth shut on this. All she needed was for him to think that there would be any sort of chance for them to be in a relationship.

"So what are you doing today, Lily?" Nichole asked her over breakfast, causing the younger girl to look at James' mom with a shy smile. Lily was quickly learning that Nichole had a wonderful beautiful spirit inside of her.

"We're going to take her out to the pond and teach her how to fish," Sirius grinned evilly, causing Lily to hide a shiver of disgust. She hated fishing. There was something about those fish coming out of the water squiggling around with their big black eyes that made her completely creeped out.

"Have you asked Lily what she wanted to do?" Nichole asked the boys with a perfectly sculpted raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," James nodded eagerly as he stuffed his mouth with some fried potatoes, his wire-framed glasses slipping down his nose.

"Lily? Would you like to go fishing with the boys, or would you like to go shopping with me?" Nichole asked her with a smile, having seen the look of disgust on her face when they had mentioned fishing.

"I would love to go shopping," Lily replied reverently, her eyes showing her gratitude.

"But Lily!" James whined, his blue eyes begging for Lily to go with them.

"I'm sorry James, but I'm not going to kill those poor innocent fishies. What have they ever done to you?" Lily shuddered. "Leave them in their homes."

"But its fun," Sirius argued as he reached across the table for the pumpkin juice.

"No, it's not." Lily argued with a shake of her head, her hair slipping out of the ponytail that she had put it in when she woke up from her barely there sleep.

"How can you say that? You have the fresh air, good company and fish!" Sirius asked her with wide eyes, as if he couldn't believe that someone didn't enjoy the sport. That is if you considered it a sport.

"Because unlike you Sirius, we females don't find anything appealing about an ugly fish that wiggles around when you pull it out of the water," Nichole announced as she took a bite of her eggs, with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Not only that, it's patience," Lily told him with a smile, looking at James, only to see him looking at her. Quickly looking away, Lily bent her head, in hopes to hide her blush.

"You have plenty of patience," James smiled as he reached across the table for another handful of bacon.

"No, I don't," she said with a shake of her head as she reached past her plate for her pumpkin juice. Pumpkin juice was something that took a long time for her to like, and now that she did, it was almost as if she couldn't live without it.

"So what do you say for a shopping day? My treat," Nichole asked with a grin. She missed going out with girls that she actually liked. Most of the time she was around people because it was her duty to be.

"I have money," Lily protested. That was one thing that she could say that she did have. She might no longer have her parent's house or any of their things, but she had the money that they had left her, along with her deceased grandparents. She was actually pretty well off considering.

"I know, but I want to pay. It's not often that I get to go out and actually enjoy my company," Nichole told her with a small smile that made Lily's heart automatically go out to her. She had never thought what it would be like for Nichole to constantly have to be required to be around all of these people. People that she obviously did not necessarily agree with.

"Are you sure?" she asked, her green eyes skeptic. She had always hated taking money from others. And she really didn't like the fact that she would be letting James' parents paying for her. After all, they were letting her stay in their house for the holiday, which was more than enough for her.

"I'm positive. So what do you say we meet down here in about an hour? I need to change out of my pajamas before we head out," she grinned, showing off her straight teeth and dimples.

"I'll be down here," Lily smiled as she watched Nichole get out of her chair and tug on her silk pajama top and walk bare footed over towards the hallway.

"I can't believe that you're going to desert me today!" James whined as he took a gulp of his juice, looking at Lily accusingly.

Lily shrugged her shoulders and reached up to tug the tank top strap that had slid down her arm back up to her shoulders. She really should have put a bra on before she came down for breakfast. At least her shirt had a built in bra.

"I'm sorry but there is nothing interesting to me about sitting by a lake all day watching you two through a hook in the water in hopes that a fish will think that is food. It's trickery! It's wrong and I feel sorry for them."

James looked at Lily and tried to hold back a laugh. "You eat fish though," he pointed out. "In fact, you _love_ to eat fish."

"Just because I eat it doesn't mean that I myself want to kill it. I would rather become a vegetarian than kill the animal myself," she shuddered, goosebumbs breaking out over her skin at the thought. She was way too squeamish for those kinds of thoughts.

"You're such a girl," Sirius sighed, his brown eyes twinkling with laughter as he leaned back in his chair, balancing it on the hind legs. "I had such high hopes for you Evans."

"So sorry to disappoint," she said with a roll of her eyes as she pushed back from the table and stood up. "But I'm going up to get ready for an outing doing things that are so much more fun than _fishing_."

"How do girls think that shopping is fun?" Sirius asked with a frown as Lily left the room, her feet making hardly any noise on the cherry hardwood floors.

"To them it's a sport," James said as he slunk down in his chair as he craned his neck as to keep Lily in his vision for just a few seconds longer.

Sirius looked at his friend in shock. "How…revolting," he shuddered.

"Isn't it just?"

"So is the way you keep on staring at her…even when she's not in the room, mate," Sirius snickered as he slapped James on the back of the head as he noticed the tension that was straining his neck.

"Sorry," James shrugged as he reluctantly drew his eyes away from the spot where Lily was. "I can't help it. Just wait until you fall in love mate."

"Never going to happen. Too many females out there to give a lil Sirius too, to be able to fall in love."

James snorted as he too got up from the table. "Let's go bug the elves for some food to take with us," James decided as he too walked out of the room.

.0

"So tell me if I'm being too forward," Nichole started as they shrunk their ever growing pile of bags and stuck them in their robe pockets. "But why are you not dating my son? I hear that he's quite a catch."

Lily blushed and fingered a silk nightgown that was hanging on the rack of a lingerie store that they had just walked into, the bell above the door chiming a welcoming sound. The nightgown was beautiful in a shade of emerald green. _James would love this,_ she thought, and immediately blushed harder. That wasn't something that you should think when the guys' mother was right next to you.

"I'm sorry, I'm his mum, I know, but I was just wondering," Nichole shrugged as she looked up from the display of magical flab reducing slips.

"I don't really know. It's something to do with being scared of being hurt. Of losing. Everyone I come to care for ends up dying in the end," Lily said quietly as she picked the hanger up and looked at it more closely. It was a little longer than thigh high with a lace hem stitched around and slight slits on both sides. The neck was cut so that it would display just a hint of her cleavage. The straps were made of two pieces of silk that looked as if they were designed to snap by the merest touches.

"Oh, Lily, love," Nichole sighed as she looked at the younger woman in front of her. She couldn't help but want to fix everything that was wrong with the girls' life. "I'm so sorry."

Lily sighed as she held onto the nightgown, not even knowing why she was buying it with James in mind if he wasn't even going to get a chance to see it on her.

"But have you ever thought that you risk the same thing by being his friend?"

Lilly looked at Nichole with a sad smile. "I've thought of nothing but that since I've started talking to him."

"Then why are you risking it by being his friend…do you not feel anything for him?" Nichole asked as she tucked a piece of her curling hair behind her ear, where it immediately slipped from.

"I feel more for your son than I have for anyone besides my parents. I just don't know what to do about it," Lily shrugged with a blush. She had been doing a lot of that the past couple of days.

Just then a group of women came in the shop, causing Nichole to sigh and smile brightly.

Lily watched the transformation with a confused smile. Everyone thought that being friendly was second nature to Nichole Potter, but the truth was; most of the time she hated it. She had actually said so earlier when they had run into a group of politician wives.

"So is this the future Mrs. Potter here?" one of the ladies gushed as she looked at Lily, her dull brown eyes gleaming with the gossip that she was planning on spreading as soon as she was out of earshot.

Lily frowned at the middle aged lady and bit her tongue. "No. I'm a friend," Lily said with a fake smile that no one saw past. "I'm Lily Evans."

"It's nice to meet the future Mrs. Potter. James has talked about you for years," the lady grinned, her teeth a nasty yellow color that caused Lily to repel a shudder.

"Thank you, but I'm not marrying him," Lily insisted seconds before she looked at Nichole. "I'm going to go pay for this."

"I'll follow you, we need to get going back home anyways," Nichole grinned as she grabbed the bag of nightgowns and undergarments that she had found.

"It was nice meeting you," Lily smiled politely as she passed the group of women, most of who refused to talk to Lily because she was a muggleborn.

"You too dear! Please remember me when you're planning the wedding!"

"She doesn't give up does she?" Lily muttered as she set her single nightgown on the counter.

"Not at all," Nichole laughed as she looked behind her shoulder. The old biddies were forever giving her a headache.

0.0.0.

An hour later Nichole and Lily were sitting in a private corner of one of the more prestigious café's in Diagon Alley waiting for their food.

It was actually a quaint place. All of the tables were spread apart, leaving the occupants the choice of having privacy or grouping tables together for a party if the need be. The cherry wood tables were round with a single, small, thick candle that was placed in a frosted candle holder that gave off a little light, but lots of ambience. The walls were a deep blue color that contrasted with the cream white marble floor.

"But honestly Lily, if you feel for him, why don't you give him a chance?" Nichole asked again as she picked up her glass of water and took a drink.

Lily looked at Nichole and sighed. "I don't do well with guys. I've never had a boyfriend before, and now I have one – had one, and he's the most popular guy in the school. I can't."

Nichole sighed and tried to separate herself. On one hand there was a girl that needed help, and on the other hand, there was the girl that her son was in love with. "Honey, you need to do what is best for you. You might be saving yourself from the pain, but you might also be losing so much in life."

Lily traced the wood grain of the table and refused to look at Nichole. She had already thought about that too. What if James was the guy that she was supposed to be with for the rest of her life- no matter how long that might be; what if she truly did make it out of this war alive…if he was the one, would he still be there for her if he was the one?

"I'm scared," she whispered softly, looking up into Nichole's blue eyes – eyes that she had passed on to her son. Tears were starting to sting behind her eyelids and she fought to keep them at bay. Something that by now she was pretty good at.

"I know you are honey," Nichole sympathized. "When I first started to have feelings for Harry I actually told him that I never wanted to see him again. Of course, being a Potter that somehow got jumbled up in his brain into 'Please bug and pester me every second of the bloody day until I want to throw you to the giant squid for breakfast!"

Lily looked at Nichole and tried to hold back a laugh at the disgruntled look on her face. She knew the feeling very well. "At least it didn't go on for seven years," Lily grinned. "I've had that feeling ever since the first day of school."

"Potter men are nothing if they are not determined," Nichole huffed, shaking her head lightly as the waiter brought both of them their food. "I can't count the amount of times that I just turned my back on those two and shut myself in a room away from them. The stories that I could tell."

"You could probably sell a book on their escapades," Lily agreed with a grin.

"I could, but then everyone would know more about my family than they already do."

"True."

"Hey!"

Lily looked at Nichole questioningly.

"You got me off track. We were talking about you and James," she scowled as she forcibly stabbed her salad.

Lily shrugged innocently as she took a bite of her chicken salad. She had been trying to distract her.

"All I'm going to say Lily is that sometimes it's better to have loved lost and experienced than it is to live and wonder what could have been."

Lily nodded her head and looked away. Wondering about all of the what if's.

0.0.0.

"_I love you," he whispered softly in her ear as his hands caressed her sides softly, lovingly. Gods how she loved this man. _

"_Show me," she moaned as his hands crept close to her breasts, only to retreat in a teasing manner that he knew aggravated her. _

_He was smirking, and she knew it, but she didn't care. All she wanted was friction, satisfaction. Anything to make this ache go away. _

"_Whatever you say, my love," he purred as his head trailed a line of kisses down her neck, pausing at that place that only he could find. The place right behind her ear that made her knees turn to jelly. _

"_James," she moaned as she dragged her fingers through his thick hair, trying to guide him to do what she really needed. _

"_Patience is a virtue," he taunted with a light tisk against her skin, giving her chills. _

"_Good thing I never claimed to have any," she gasped as his mouthed closed over her nipple, his teeth softly brushing over the hardened peaks. _

"_True," he agreed with a grin as he brought one of his dormant hands slowly up her smooth leg, lingering behind the kneecap, just to drive her crazy. _

"_Don't waste my milk," she told him with a gasp of breath as he sucked on her breast in a way that was so different from their son._

"_Now I know why he cries for you so often," he joked as he left a lingering kiss on the milky white globe that barely fit in his palm before he continued kissing his way down her perfect _

_body. She might still be a little plump from their child, but to him, she would always have the most perfect body in the world. Such was a husbands' prerogative. _

"_James," Lily cried as his mouth settled over her bundle of nerves. It had been over four months since they had been sexually intimate and her body was overly sensitive._

"_Lily," he said just as her body begun to shake. "Lily….__**shake….**__Lily."_

Lily groaned as she opened her eyes. When had she fallen asleep?

"Lily?" James questioned, causing Lily to gasp as her now wide eyes looked at James. He was trying to hide his grin.

"What are the chances of me having not talked in my sleep?" she muttered as she brought her hands up to her face and tried to hide behind them. If only there was a hole that she could conveniently roll over into all would be well in the world.

"Depends on if you want a truthful answer or not," he grinned as he combed her long hair away from her face. She had fell asleep face down on the bed with her hair down, and now it was a tangled mess around her.

"Lie. Lie like a dog," she decided as she peaked at him from behind her fingers, spreading two just far enough to make out his silhouette. It had gotten dark sometime during her little – not so little, nap.

"I didn't hear a word," he grinned as he kicked off his shoes and settled himself on his elbows next to her on the bed, looking down at her face with a smile.

"I don't know what's better," she mumbled as she closed her eyes and shifted so that so could lean into his body just a little. "Knowing that you heard, or knowing that you heard, but hearing the opposite."

James chuckled as he shifted on the bed so that he was laying with a pillow beneath his head and Lily on his chest. "Just be happy that it was me and not Sirius who heard."

"Oh Lord," Lily moaned as she took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was uniquely James.

"Lily…" James started to ask then thought better of it. There weren't words that could begin to describe what he was thinking. What he was hoping.

"Hm?" she asked as she picked her head up from his chest and looked up at him, her hair falling over her shoulder to brush his chest.

"I know that this is going to sound stupid because they are just dreams, but I was wondering…do you have feelings for me?"

Lily looked at James and quickly made up her mind. It was his life, her life, or their life on the line, and it was time to give all but one of them up. But could she honestly do it? Could she say goodbye?

**.0.**

**Authors Notes:**

What are the chances that you guys aren't going to kill me??

Anyways, I'm starting to get these chapters out a little faster, I'm out of school for the summer finally! … only to go back in August… college sucks! Hehe…but I'm trying to get all of my stories finished before fall term starts again, so start looking for faster updates.

Also, I'm thinking about _Is It Worth It?_... I have NONE of the backup files for that story…stupid freaking site took the damn ….err…. still pissed over that. 900 reviews gone! … anyway, off subject. .. what would you guys think to those of you who read it if it's different…. For those of you who might remember it. Let me know!

Thank you! And as always, Happy Readings!

Lisa


	13. Chapter 12

_**Missing Dreams**_

_**Chapter 12**_

James tried to keep his heartbeat steady as Lily continued to look at him. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. Her face was relaxed, yet her eyes were anything but. The seconds continued to tick by as Lily continued to stare at him. He was going to burst from the anxiety if she didn't answer him soon.

"I.." she said, blinking wildly as she finally made her choice. "I do. More than I really should, but I do care for you James."

James let out the breath that he had been holding, his whole body sagging with relief at her words. "Thank God," he whispered as he wrapped both of his arms around her and brought her body close. That was all that he wanted to hear. She couldn't have a clue what effect those simple words had on him.

"Where do we go from here?" she asked shyly as she laid her head on his chest, her cheek rubbing against the soft cotton of his white shirt as she tried to divert her eyes from his.

"Everywhere," he promised as he closed his eyes and kissed her softly on the top of her head, not able to keep the grin off of his face.

Closing her eyes, Lily simply listened to his heartbeat, grateful for the second chance to be with him. "Have you ever stopped at thought on how life can change with a blink of an eye? It's just that easy."

"It's amazing isn't it?" James asked as he raised his hand to run it through her soft, auburn hair, taking a deep breath as the scent from her hair drifted up to him. "This time last year I was 

trying to figure out how to make you realize that you wanted to be with me, and now, I have you right where I want you."

"Do you?" she smirked as she shifted her head on his chest so that she could look at him. She couldn't help but think that her decision was going to end up being worth anything that was thrown her way. He brought out something in her that no one else ever had … and she had no clue what it was, but she liked it.

"I do. In my arms, in bed, albeit we're both in our clothes, but that can be rearranged," he told her with a smirk of his own as his hand slowly crept under her cashmere wool jumper, savoring the feel of her silky soft skin against his fingers.

"Says who?" she demanded as she tried to keep the smile from her face. Sometimes it was worth the pain that may come for just the chance of happiness, she was realizing.

"Hmm…me," he decided as he smiled at her, his blue eyes getting lost in the depth of her green eyes. Who knew that a color could be so … captivating. All she had to do is look at him with her beautiful emerald green eyes and he would dance in the Great Hall in a bright pink tutu for her. And that was saying something.

Lifting his head off of the pillow, James captured Lily's lips with his, not being able to take it any longer. From the very moment he last kissed her he had been dreaming about this, fantasizing about it.

Her lips were cool to touch, yet as smooth as a glass as he set his lips on hers, begging, coaxing them to open for him. And on a soft moan that did things to his lower body, Lily opened her mouth, excepting his kisses eagerly. He could die happily just as he was. It didn't even matter that they had never had sex. At least he could die knowing that he got this far.

Caught up in the kiss, James slowly ran his hands up her back, slipping under her light weight shirt when he reached the hem so that he could feel her skin against his. It was more smooth than he ever thought was possible on someone.

With a groan, James broke the kiss and turned so that Lily's body was now lying prone under his. He no longer remembered that he was under his parents' roof and this was probably against some kind of rule. All he knew is he had to have her, if only it was a piece of her.

Looking down at her perfect face, James searched for any signs that she didn't want this. That she didn't want him. Instead, what he found was raw passion burning beneath her eyes, flushed cheeks and a pink, kiss swollen mouth that was just begging for more.

"I'm never going to get enough from you," James groaned as he leaned down and kissed her lightly, pulling away seconds after they touched.

"Tease," Lily whispered as she laced her fingers behind his head, pulling him closer to her. James was more than happy to oblige.

And he would have, if his good for nothing best friend hadn't started pounding on the door announcing that dinner was ready.

"I'm going to kill him," James muttered darkly as he rested on top of Lily, trying to control his now ragingly hard body.

"I'd be happy to help you," Lily sighed as she rubbed her hand lightly up and down his back, caressing his spine.

James rolled off her and sat on the edge of the bed taking three deep breaths before he got up and turned around. Simply seeing her laying in the middle of that big bed all rumpled and 

flustered was almost enough for him to convince himself that his parents would never suspect if both of them were to stay in her room for dinner.

0.0.0

Later that night Lily lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Ever since James had came to her room earlier that evening she had been burning up. It was almost as if a fever was coursing through her veins, throbbing in places she shouldn't be throbbing in.

If it wouldn't have been so obvious, she probably would have killed Sirius herself – or at least maimed. Now she was lying in bed at one in the morning, with her body burning for someone who was sleeping in the room three doors down on the other side of the hall.

"Go to sleep," she cried as she turned onto her side and looked out the window.

For Lily being up any time after ten was hard. There was just something about being up at that time that just made every bad thought pop up. It was something about the darkness and the serenity of the night that brought out every un-serene night.

Lily was usually counted among those unlucky few who were consumed by dark thoughts that were better off being left alone.

Tonight was a different story though. Tonight she was fighting the urge of walking over to James' room and jumping his bones – not that she'd really know what to do, but she wanted him. She knew the basics. She had read books after all, and she had watched it on the learning channel when she had been twelve after her parents had gone to sleep…at the time she thought that it was an unappealing bodily function.

Now however, she found that it was a very gratifying experience. And she hadn't even experienced it all!

"This isn't helping!" Lily huffed angrily as she turned back on to her back and punched the mattress in frustration.

Contemplating her options, Lily sent a quick prayer up to the heavens that she wouldn't be struck by lightning or anything for doing this. But she was going to go insane if she didn't.

Getting out of the bed, Lily grabbed the cream colored silk wrap that went over the same colored silk slip nightgown that she was wearing and pulled it over her, just in case she ran into someone on the way to his room.

Peaking out the door, Lily looked both ways to make sure that all of the room doors were closed. She knew that Sirius was in the room across from James, and she couldn't see that door, but she was more worried about his parents.

Their door was firmly closed at the end of the hallway. The opposite end of James' room. How perfect could things be?

Quickly stepping out of the room and closing her door behind her, Lily made a dash down the three doors, her feet making little noise on the cherry hardwood floors.

As fast as you could blink Lily was standing in front of James' door.

"Don't get nervous now," she scolded as she reached for the doorknob. "You've already done the hard part."

Taking a deep breath – so deep she almost started to cough; Lily opened the door and slid into his room, only opening the door wide enough for her to slip in before she closed it behind her, leaning against the dark wood as she looked around for James.

"Where in the hell is he?" she nearly screamed as she noticed that he wasn't anywhere in the room. Not in the bed where she imagined that he would be at least.

"James?" Lily called out softly, hoping that he was just hidden somewhere.

Silence.

"Are you kidding?" Lily groaned as she leaned her head against the door. She was thinking about slamming her head against the door, but then that'd wake people up and she'd have to explain why she was in James' room at one in the morning. That was not something she wanted to explain.

"You idiot," Lily muttered darkly as she glared at the bed before she turned around and opened the door so that she could go back to her room. It looked as if she was just going to have to figure out another way to go to bed after all.

Lily walked back to her room slower than she had walked out of it. She had no reason to walk faster now; she could just say that she wanted a walk- she was walking _away_ from his room.

Opening her door, Lily barely managed to muffle her scream as she saw James sitting on her windowsill, one foot dangling in the room and the other dangling out of it.

"Where have you been?" they both demanded at the same time, glaring at each other accusingly.

"I've been in your room, where have you been?" they both responded.

Looking at James, Lily couldn't help but laugh. They had both been on the same brain wave – it had just criss-crossed. "Oh," Lily laughed as she left the door and walked over towards him, extending her hand out to him.

"Stop dangling out the window, you might fall," she told him as she tried to tug him into the room. She didn't want to think about the fact that he was three floors up.

Grinning evilly, James tugged her close to his body, causing her to squeal and clamp her eyes shut. "I'm not that high," he reasoned.

"You're high enough for someone who has a terrible fear of heights," she protested as she hid her face against his shoulder, refusing to open her eyes. She would start shaking if she noticed how close she was to the ledge of the window.

"Come ride with me," he whispered huskily into her ear as he bent his head towards her. "I promise to not let you fall."

Lily nodded her head hesitantly. "I'm not opening my eyes though," she said as she blindly let him situate her on the broom that he had somehow managed to stay on as he sat on her windowsill.

"I'll let you know when we're there," he promised, and she could practically _feel_ the smirk that was on his face as he sat her in front of him, his arm wrapped tightly around her body as the other steered the broom to wherever it was they were going.

Simply knowing that they were umpteen feet above the ground caused Lily's heartbeat to accelerate. If they didn't land soon she might pass out.

As if he had read her mind, Lily felt her feet touch the ground, and his voice whispered past her ear to open her eyes.

Lily opened her eyes and gasped. He had planned this sometime after dinner. It was perfect.

He was perfect.

She was falling in love with James Potter, and only some of it had to do with this paradise that he had created for her.

0.0.0.

_**Authors Notes:**_

_Hehe…oops? My fingers just stopped, I swear! They won't work any longer!! _

_Next chapter should be up by the end of next week!_

_Review please!_

_Happy readings,_

_Lisa_


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